Let Dr. Fish Ask YOU Something

Since previous segments with "Ask Dr. Fish" were so unsuccessful- mainly because Dr. Fish isn't really a doctor, and secondly, he is just a fish– we have turned the tables and let Dr. Fish ask other people any health-related questions.



Dear Hopeless in Havernathy,

You have cysts both behind your knee and within your thyroid gland. What sort of treatments are you undergoing to remedy those problems?

Dr. Fish

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Dear Dr. Fish,

I don't know who you are or how you know this information about me, but it is none of your goddamned business.

Hopeless in Havernathy

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Dear Evaline,

Please don't be discouraged about your dry cough and how it's interfering with your studies. Most illnesses related to coughs are self-limited and will cease in 7-10 days with increased humidification and fluid intake, rest, and symptomatic "home remedies." Antibiotics are usually not required. Have you taken the proper precautions to monitor your cough? Could it be the result of when you had viral laryngitis in 2008?

Sincerely,
Dr. Fish

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Dear Dr. Fish,

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET MY MEDICAL HISTORY?!!!!

Evaline

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Dear Thomas English Guffin,

I understand you're 68 and in good health. But for the past year or so, your fingertips have been wrinkling and splitting into small painful cuts--especially your thumb and forefinger. They heal slowly, then reappear. Could that be the result of capillaries collapsing?

Dr. Fish

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Dear Dr. Fish,

[RETURNED MAIL. THERE IS NO ONE AT ADDRESS 'thomasenglishguffin@speed.net' NO OTHER INFORMATION IS GIVEN]