Do you remember playing with your toys as a kid and thinking, "Hey, this would make a great movie?"
Well, it won't. Because chances are the storylines you'd devised with your toys were nonsensical, made up on the fly, and ultimately unwatchable to other people. Which pretty much describes "Dragons II: Metal Ages, The Movie."
The makers of Mega Bloks saw movies made for Transformers, Ninja Turtles and even coffee flavors from my break room and figured that they too could run a feature-length commercial and make a lot of money. Problem is, they didn't have a story to tell and didn't want to sink a lot of money into the "film".
The result is this poorly written, poorly animated movie from 2005 that looks like the demo reel to a computer graphics school. Like this:
The only other thing I'd like to say about this is that I didn't really feel the love for this movie from the animators, either. You'd think they would just love to render dragons and armies and fire, but I get the sense the Mega Bloks people were real pricks to the animators for some reason- like they made them bring in their own toilet paper from home or something- so the animators gave minimum effort to complete this project. Let's enjoy!
The following is dialogue taken verbatim from this scene, although I had to rewind it half a dozen times to make out what he was saying:
"You, Draigar, will march to confront them at the Shadow Temple. Meanwhile, your Norvagen manowar fleet will sail here, round the Cape of Ryusen and down past the ancient ramparts."
So for the hell of it, I used the ironically named Dragon Dictation app on my phone to transcribe that dialogue.
This is what the Dragon Dictation app heard:
"March to confront shadow meet your goals I can Matto will see you here around the table price and down past the ancient ramparts"
Overall grade: F
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