So that convenience store in my town is somehow still in business, and earlier this morning I spotted a new sign in the window:
Gravy Master?! What the fuck is that? Whatever it is, it's only $2.99. I started wondering what the hell a Gravy Master is and didn't want to spoil it by Googling it or "Binging" it. Here are some theories:
• Gravy Master is a rare collectible action figure from the Masters Of The Universe collection. A villain who often teams up with Skeletor to vanquish He-Man, Gravy Master uses his power over molten gravy to drown his enemies in a delicious, meat-based goo.
• Gravy Master was the less-profitable exercise product released by Suzanne Somers in 1987 in an attempt to build off the success of her Thighmaster. It was aimed at overeaters who want to firm their thighs but still be able to enjoy the savory taste of gravy. It sold only 8 units nationwide and now sells for $2.99.
• A "gravy master" is a new backyard wrestling move that involves suddenly dumping fourteen gallons of gravy onto the mat, then rubbing your opponent's belly until he farts. The Insane Clown Posse has released fourteen songs and an EP about this move.
• When a storm front– usually involving a thunderstorm– encounters a sudden pocket of cool air, forcing the nearby clouds to dip down due to a sudden loss of moisture, that weather phenomenon is known as a "gravy master."
So, only later after I wrote these four theories did I reexamine the photo of the convenience store, and the answer to the riddle was right there.
Gravy facepalm!
By the way, DON'T do a Google Image search for "gravy" with the Safesearch option off. Shudder
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