UAG

We Are Always Saying Goodbye To Stuff In Advertising

Bon voyage! Buh-bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! So long!

The Best Compliments You Can Expect From Your Family When You Serve Them a Really Badly Done Version of a Pan-Roasted Pear Salad Recipe

"You can really taste the pan."

"Oh, what a lovely inedible centerpiece!"

"Wow, did you core the pears AND crumble the blue cheese yourself?"

"I finished it and I'm not nauseous."

"Hey, a nickel!"

"I thought eating salad was supposed to be good for you."

"You burned the pears. I'm kidding. You ruined all of it!"

"Hello, Domino's?"

The ProofrEADJer: End of June Edition

If We Nominate Pathmark, We Will Get Destroyed.......And We Will Deserve It.

An Incomplete List of Things Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

In addition to ruling the pop charts for over a decade, Ariana Grande will have you believe she is the cutest thing EVAR. We respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande and instead offer these things that are easily cuter than her:

• Japanese mascots for tissue paper

• Single Chiclets

• Children wearing little cowboy duster coats

• Miniature corn impaled on regular-sized corn cob holders

• A catfish wearing a bonnet

• Travel sized nose hair trimmers

• The Funko Pop figure of Ariana Grande

New EADJ Segment: Conspiracy Corner

We're going to try something new here. This segment will present a scenario to the host and writers of Info Wars, and using their gifts for critical thinking and imagination, they will provide possible answers to explain it away.

THE SCENARIO: Although grapes at Shop Rite were $4.99/lb yesterday, today they are selling for $3.99/lb

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CONSPIRACY 1: The global elites—in cahoots with major grocery store chains— are artificially lowering the cost of grapes to encourage people to spend money on empty calories to quicken their death to make room for the Space Lizard People to move into their homes.

CONSPIRACY 2: The decreasing grape prices are an indication that time is actually traveling backwards, part of the federal government's effort to contain the continental US under an invisible time isolating dome and force its citizens to remain docile and childlike.

CONSPIRACY 3: The Shop Rite employee Gary knows that I bought grapes yesterday and deliberately lowered the prices, knowing I'd come back and get VERY UPSET about paying more yesterday.