Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs How To Get Out of a Headlock


Great question....oof. A headlock is a very... (gasp)... powerful submission hol... hold. (Struggles) When your attacker or opponent... ack... initiates an attempt, you must... ohgod... exert maximum effort to escape. First, turn your, uh, head toward your... attacker. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Then turn into your opponent's body... *cough* so your airway is... no... no longer constricted... ACK! Stun your attacker by... no, ouch I can't breathe... using your ha... hand closest to the front of your attacker's body to strike in the gut or ribs with your elbow. Striking your attacker in the gut and... guh... ribs works for both male and female atta... *neck snaps*

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of March 12, 2020


Twitter is a terrible app that's been responsible for the unraveling of American society, but it's still somehow popular. Many tweeters use hashtags to support whatever it is they're saying and group their dumb thoughts to others' dumb thoughts. But here are a few hashtags that have not been used much. Feel free to use them in your own dumb thoughts:

#bowflex
#gooftroop
#shatmycassock
#nakedtaxauditors
#PELICANJUSTICE
#myarmpitssmelllikesourcreamandonion
#sociallydistancingspeeddatinginthedesert
#freeJohnSayleswaithesnotinprisonohnevermind
#myconspiracytheoriesareprettystupidnowthatithinkaboutit

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

We Re-Caption Some Falun Gong Exercises


"WASSUP NEW YOOOOOORK?"



"I've got the baby, but where is that closet light?"


"C'mon and dry, roll-on. I'm late for work!"


"♪ My name is Alexander Hamilton ♪"


"Sorry. I don't care if you do know the DJ. I can't let you in without an ID."


"Who twisted me into this position? Some angry short guy, about this high."


But on a rare serious note, Falun Gong practitioners have been persecuted by the Communist Party in China, which sucks. Maybe read about it here.