Meanwhile, During Another Conference Call...

Why Do Dicks Suddenly Appear / Every Time / Joel Opens His Mouth?

A dickmaking class? What is that?

Joel saw the flyer for a dickmaking class at the community center in Modesto and was instantly interested. What better way to ensure the constant eating of dick by actually making it? He could be self-sufficient, like, forever!

So he was definitely excited (and hungry like a mother) when he showed up on Tuesday night at 7:30pm in the Barbados conference room.

And what he beheld was nothing like of which he had never done seen: rows and rows of people fashioning dick from yarn, meat and balloons. Big ones, small ones, some with cartoon eyes, and for some odd reason, one with dicks for legs.

Before the lady at the registration table could stop him, Joel had pounced on the first table in sight and began devouring dick like a really good simile. He thrashed and bounced around the room with dozens of dicks in his mouth. People were screaming and running.

Details get really fuzzy from there, but word has it Joel somehow escaped the hub-bub with over 6,000 dicks in hand and was last spotted at a picnic table in the Shasta-Trinity National Forest in Northern California.

(pictured above, Tom W demonstrates the correct way to wait for the bus at the "Hampton Jitney" 40th and 3rd Ave. bus stop while some old biddies sit the wrong way like a couple of assholes)

EADJ Jazzy Joel and the Fresh Dick

How an innocent trip to traffic court turned into a dick-eating smorgasbord for Joel, in fourteen steps:

1) Joel wakes up

2) Joel takes a shower

3) Joel gets dressed

4) Joel picks up the morning paper from the curb

5) Joel enjoys a nutritious breakfast prepared by his chimp servant

6) Joel adjusts the thermostat to conserve energy while he's away

7) Joel waves hi to Mrs. Goldfarb sweeping her porch

8) Joel drives his RAV4 to traffic court

9) Joel stops at a stoplight and checks his hair

10) Joel finds a parking spot in the shade

11) Joel walks to the traffic court building

12) Joel sees a lot of dick in a nearby alley

13) Joel gobbles a motherfucking load of dick

14) Traffic court judge wastes an hour of his time waiting for Joel, reads the latest Mother Jones magazine

(pictured above, this week's top-selling pattern at Joann Fabrics)