Yet Another Candidate Falls Short

Earlier today, another submission was brought to our attention in the hope that it could be included in the vaunted "Blackberry Exhibit." Unfortunately, it is just another failed attempt to piggyback on the artistic glory of a modern masterpiece.

Here's a breakdown of the submission– who we've dubbed "Trevor"– and why it ultimately did not qualify:

1) Trevor is indeed on a handheld device, thus satisfying the first requirement.

2) Upon closer inspection, however, it does appear that Trevor's facial expression is not the standard "sturgeon face" but instead small pursed "duck lips."

3) Although thematically aligned with the subject matter and despite its obvious addition to demographic diversity, Trevor is the latest in a long string of rejections. The celebrated octych remains.

"The Blackberry Face: A Season Of Delights" will be on display soon at the main pavilion in Norway's Lillehammer Art Museum starting July 15. Admission for members is 25 krone, general public 60 krone. Children under 10 are not permitted to come within 30 meters of the art piece as it is priceless. Armed guards will tranquilize any violators on sight.

:C

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From "The Onion Movie" page, with a video of two kids cutting and examining onions and other vegetables, a comment from "thestave500:"

"um... you guys are fags... that was really gay, just like all your videos... i wish you would die... in a very horrible way... and put it on YouTube... so i could watch you die... and laugh... because that is the only funny thing you could do.... die... fuckin losers....i hate you..."

On his About page, "thestave500" writes the following about himself:

Interests and Hobbies: I like to set things on fire, skateboared, playguitar, snow board, and hang out with my friends...

Somehow I doubt he's really 27. Unless he's 27 and really dumb.

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight: Basit Hound

From a "Basset Hound Puppies" page, a comment by "Blakefe," who hails directly from the pages of "Of Mice And Men:"

i just showed this to my mom she love her basit we call him ralph ever cence we got him dad has give him all the nick names he gave me and mom gets us all mixed up when she calls for one of us like she would whant me but she would call ralp or george(dad) and then say i mean blake or in any other order

J'Net & The Two Bears

Over the weekend, J'Net encountered not one, but TWO frightening beasts. She barely escaped with her life! There were two grizzlies.

Here's one:



And two:

A nice sit-down with Alexander Duckworth

EADJ was fortunate to meet and interview Alexander Duckworth, Joel's longtime agent and friend.

We met him poolside at the beautiful Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. In a crisp Hugo Boss seersucker suit and sunglasses, Alexander was confident and pleasant. He answered our questions as he sipped an extra dirty martini with blue cheese filled olives.

EADJ: So thank you for showing up this time, pisshead.

AD: My pleasure.

EADJ: What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you still represent Joel, that asshole?

AD: Joel has an amazing energy and creative focus that I don't see in a lot of talent in this town. I've stayed his agent because I believe he can reach the stratosphere.

EADJ: Dong!

AD: What?

EADJ: Nothing.

AD: (silence)

EADJ: You're such a cocksucker. Why are you such a fucking pussy cunt dickhead?

AD: I'm in this business because I love the creative process of filmmaking. I want to help bring the best out of people and help them put their dreams on screen.

EADJ: Eat my asshole, you tard fuck. You sicken me.

AD: Thanks for having me.

(pictured above, my cabbie this morning really, really doesn't care)