Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle of Pathmark

Happy Halloween From EADJ

We at EADJ hope you have a safe and prosperous Halloween. From the lunch ladies who serve food wearing gross witch costumes to the Halloween Headquarters employees making fun of all the slack-ass last minute shoppers, we hope you all enjoy a nice fun sized Zagnut on us.

Now onto today's entry:

Cold Stone Creamery's Secret Menu

Fine eating establishments like In 'N Out Burger and even Starbucks have been known to have secret menus, but did you know Cold Stone Creamery actually has one as well? Turns out that there are even larger sizes beyond the posted ones.

Like It (approximately 5 oz)

Love It (approximately 8 oz)

Gotta Have It (approximately 12 oz)

Really Want It (approximately 15 oz)

Seriously Fucking Need It (approximately 19 oz)

Jonesing For It In A Bad Way (approximately 20 oz)

Really, Really, Really Need It, Man, C'mon (approximately 28 oz)

Not Going To Frickin' Ask You Twice For It (approximately 32 oz)

I Can Quit It Anytime (approximately 35 oz)

Might Have To Pawn My TV For It (approximately 40 oz)

My Wife Will Leave Me If I Continue It (approximately 43 oz)

Look At How Hard My Dick Is I Want It So Bad (approximately 49 oz)

To Hell With My Family's Intervention About It (approximately 52 oz)

I Hate Myself But It's Bigger Than Me Now (approximately 55 oz)

Would Rape My Grandmother For It (approximately 68 oz)

Order any of these next time you're at Cold Stone Creamery!

Curlz Just Wanna Have Font

PROJECT ROSTER: We took a peek in Joel's itinerary to get a sense of what projects Joel has in the running for this week:

• Eat the dick of Xi Shun, the world's tallest man, so that I can stand up for once.

• Screenplay for Hallmark original movie "Chance Meeting in the Cat Toy Aisle."

• Trim that bush

• TV adaptation for "Spider-Man, the All-Black Wearing, Whiney Emo Phase."

• Lunch with Joe Eszterhas at Women's Symposium

• Eat Daniel Baldwin's dick to MAKE THE COLLECTION COMPLETE

• Toss that "King of Queens" script that will never get produced now, dammit

• Carb up for that big non-carb diet

• Start writing that biopic about Rachael Ray starring Rachael Ray as a thinner Rachael Ray

(pictured above, J'Net discovers another café that uses CURLZ!!!!!)