Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Popularity of LEGO Videogames

"Ahh. good question... erg... Ah... LEGO are a favorite at my house... Ahh... shit... the videogames combine the joy of building with LEGO with... UGGGH!... the ability of videogames to explore new worlds... GAH... can't breathe... FUCK... The writing is also very humorous... ah... ahh... uh... and... um, people enjoy seeing familiar movies... Ah.... ah... or shows... reenacted in L... LE...LE..." *dies*

UAG

Announcing The Official NJ Transit Customer Survey Brochure Photo LEGO Playset!

The New Jersey Transit Authority, in conjunction with LEGO and the state of New Jersey, is proud to announce the Official NJ Transit Customer Survey Brochure Photo LEGO Playset, a 600-piece set that recreates every detail of the baffling photo that accompanies every NJ Transit Customer Service Brochure.

This handsome, thrown-together set lets kids build the entire interior of a real NJ Transit commuter train, complete with seat backs and seat bottoms. In addition, the six beloved stars of the famous photo have been recreated as exclusive minifies. Let's take a look at each one:

1. "Jesse"

Jesse comes with his signature WASPy smile, WASPy suit and briefcase full of ghetto booty magazines.

2. "Jess"

The LEGO Company has always prided themselves in including amazing detail, and this rendition of "Jess" is no exception with her purple power suit, popped collar and inexplicably blurry hands.

3. "Angie"

Angie is a head.

4. "Trina"

"Trina" features her signature big boobs, dipping cleavage, and come hither stare, but try as they might, no boy will ever get in her pants. 

5. "Don With The Thumbs"

Although the lack of opposing fingers renders this minifig pretty much useless, "Don With The Thumbs" is the main reason so many collectors have already pre-ordered this play set. What "Don With The Thumbs" lacks in playability, it makes up for in collectibility, already fetching bids of $400 each on eBay.

6. "Simon Peter"

Hapless, clueless, and dauntless, this miniature version of "Simon Peter" is a great portrait of dumb young executives who are way over their heads in the "real world," mentally and emotionally unprepared for the heartbreak, the frustration, and the inevitable disappointment that pursuing a professional career leads to. He even has a shirt pocket for pens!

The Official NJ Transit Customer Survey Brochure Photo LEGO Playset will be available at all NJ Transit ticket booths and Toys "R" Us on June 30 at a retail price of $3295.99. Preorder here.

6 Lies Told By The "Street Sense" Brochure, Handed Out By My Local Police

Some cops (at least I think they were cops)  handed these poorly-photocopied brochures out at my local train station in New Jersey. This shit is riddled with lies.

1) If it's common sense, how come you have to print and hand out brochures about it?

2) Walking across a supermarket parking lot with your feet in shopping bags is NOT common sense.

3) "Trust your instincts." Jesus Lord. There are so many stupid, misguided, immature, delusional, and bat-shit crazy people out there already trusting their instincts, that it renders this advice useless.

4) "Don't pick up hitchhikers. Don't hitchhike. Period." Exception: if it's a really, really sexy hitchhiker wearing Daisy Dukes shorts with nobody hiding behind the bush directly behind her, it's totally okay.

5) "If someone harasses you, don't be embarrassed. Loudly say 'Leave me alone!' If that doesn't work, hit the emergency device." LIES. There is no emergency device on a bus. That is a cord telling the driver to drop you off so you can get mugged off her bus.

6) Why is the National Crime Prevention Council illegally copying clearly COPYWRITTEN MATERIAL? Are they above the law? Also, a photocopy is not always printed on recycled paper. Lies lies lies.

EADJ is proud to announce the Six Lies Told LEGO set, available exclusively at Discovery Center and this website. This enjoyable LEGO playset features 5 custom lying mini-figures, an underwater vehicle, a shark, and over 500 individual pieces of false information. Start lying today!

Know The Difference!

"Let's Go! Vroom!" is a children's book that accompanies a set of LEGO DUPLO blocks for toddlers.
"Let's Go Bang" is the second studio album by Jennifer Love Hewitt, released in October 1995.

"Let's Go! Vroom!" comes with 12 different fun pieces to assemble.
"Let's Go Bang" has 12 tracks, including an unnecessary cover of Bread's "Baby I'm-a Want You."



"Let's Go! Vroom!" introduces children to iconic vehicles like airplanes and racecars.
"Let's Go Bang" introduced children in the 90s to really terrible dance music.

"Let's Go! Vroom!" comes with easy to follow assembly instructions.

"Let's Go Bang" never got it together. The album was met with enthusiasm by several program directors at pop radio, but with the departure of Doug Morris from Atlantic Records in 1995, the plans for promotion were canceled.

"Let's Go! Vroom!" is available for $12.99 plus shipping from the LEGO Shop.
"Let's Go Bang" is available for $0.01 plus shipping from Amazon.

"Let's Go! Vroom!" is made from BP-free colored plastic.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is all natural, baby. ;P

Bathroom Maniac

Spotted in the Barnes and Noble (yes, they're still around) in Elizabeth, NJ, someone snuck some unpaid Legos into a bathroom stall and went to town:



Whee!





Wow, it's been a long time, Pewter Bear. And you've arrived just in time to be the voice of reason...no, wait. Scratch that. Not the voice of reason- the voice of bitchy-ass contrary pussy shit. Christ, did anybody ASK your opinion? Because we sure the fuck didn't. There aren't enough fucking fists in the world that could pound your miserable face enough. Do you understand how much we hate you yet?


Oh, you haven't SEEN hostile yet, bitch. Stay right here, let me get my gun...