Gag

Pictured above, EASILY the most disgusting mobile game ad I've ever had the misfortune to see. Thanks Project Makeover! 🖕

A Few Questions For the Set Decorator of the 1986 Film "Top Gun"

• Why is there a bulletin board in the men's locker room right by the showers? Wouldn't all that moisture make the notices and paper wet?

• Why put it right in front of a bench where wet people would lean against it and get ink all over themselves?

• Why would they need to put FIGHTER WEAPONS SCHOOL at the top of it if all the trainees already knew where they were?

• Why is there a Navy recruiting poster? They're already enrolled in the Navy.

• What is a 'Bandit Day'? This was never mentioned in the film.

• Is Maverick interested in that used guitar for sale? Does he even have the time to pick up a hobby like that?

• Who approves what notices can or cannot be posted on the bulletin board? Is it CAG Stinger? It is, isn't it?

Now Is The Time For All Good Men To Come To The Aid of Racist Appliances

Click to enlarge if you can't read them, you old codger.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 6: "A Christmas Detour" Starring Candace Cameron Bure and Paul Greene

Krampus is a terrifying holiday demon from ancient European folklore who punishes children who've misbehaved and sometimes even kidnaps and tortures them. And I believe a visit from him would've been more pleasant than watching this festering glittered wound of a Hallmark movie, "A Christmas Detour." Really, it's like a violent kick in the eye from a reindeer's hoof. Like getting anally violated with a candy cane (you know with which end). Like having a piping hot mug of cinnamon apple cider thrown in your face while getting beaten in the genitals with shepherd's crooks.

Plot summary: "An anxious bride-to-be throws in with a broken-hearted guy and a happily married couple for an emergency ride to NYC, learning about each other and themselves along the way."

The anxious bride-to-be is a shrill, one note harpy who demands seat changes and hotel room upgrades– you know the kind of person at the airport you want to murder. The broken-hearted guy is a Candide-like aw-shucks optimist who takes all the flight cancellations and weather delays with an infuriating grain of salt. The happily married miserable couple look like they just stepped out of an Immodium commercial.

The invisible forces of romantic comedy, however, converge to bring him and her together in unnatural and utterly uncharming ways. 

 

DID YOU KNOW? It's not cheating if it's under mistletoe during Christmas. 

And to top it all off, they ruined my perfect score:

Romance Factor: 2 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 1 out of 10

Overall Rating: 1.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 57:15

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I did NOT enjoy that one.