UAG

Word Up Your Arse

Nicknames for everyone!

Inspired by the President's penchant for handing out unwanted nicknames, Joel started dispensing his own to those around him:

His Long's Drugs pharmacist is now known as "Janky."

The dude with the big nose at the barber shop will hereforth be known as "Sunnuvagun."

His chimp servant will now answer to "Chad Yarborough." Why? No reason!

The cops that raped him that time will be called "Pushy and Penetrate-y."

Mr. Durwin, his neighbor from downstairs who accidentally killed his wife by running over her, will be labeled "The Widower-Maker." Janky!

And finally, every random dick that Joel eats he now calls either "Brad Harvey" or "Mel Kreilein." Why, Joel?

(pictured above, proof that Ponte Fresco hasn't made a heap of difference in the overall weight of 225 N Michigan residents)

Dickens Side Joel

Cleanup time.

Joel woke up at 7am this morning to find himself naked amongst spent firecrackers, piles of half-eaten dick, and a coupon for $5 off any regular size Pizza at Pizza Hut. Needless to say, he had a lot of tidying up to do before his parole officer swung by at 3. Luckily his chimp servant was on hand to sweep all the ashes and dick into the apartment complex pool which was ashy and dicky already.

Officer Myron Noodleman came by to check up on Joel to make sure he hadn't been doing drugs or using the internet to scam old ladies out of their hard-earned dick. Everything was in order, so the meeting was brief, civil and without incident.

It was a good thing that Officer Noodleman hadn't checked the attic crawlspace, however. Joel would have had a lot of explaining to do with 30 castrated sheep carcasses, each wearing a cutout mask of Nick Lachey. Lucky Joel!

(pictured above, some part-time CKers fill in for everyone who's off for the holiday)