EADJ Summer Segment: Creators Explain

This is part 2 of an ongoing seasonal series, where we have asked the creators of various beach toys to explain their invention. This week: Sam Kretfell, inventor of Reach Volley

SK: Yeah, this is one o' those games where you throw this tennis ball thing and catch it with these velcro paddles 'n shit.

EADJ: Isn't the name a little confusing by sounding a lot like 'beach volleyball'?

SK: Nah, man. This is Reach Volley. Your homie volleys that shit to you, and you reach, dig? 'S fun for kids or whatever.

EADJ: Okay.

SK: That's it.

EADJ: Is this sold at dollar stores?

SK: Yeah, how'd you know?

How To Judge The Tom Select "Jesse Stone" Movies As If They Were Colognes

Cologne: Innocents Lost

Shape of Bottle: A large glass gavel

Base Note: Suede leather

Top Note: Virgin urine

Marketing Tagline: "A fragrance to celebrate the age of consent."

Cologne: Night Passage

Shape of Bottle: A glass tunnel formed by shrubs

Base Note: Corpse

Top Note: Wet morning grass

Marketing Tagline: "What to wear when she'll let you go down that alley."

Cologne: No Remorse

Shape of Bottle: A gigantic metallic smug goatee

Base Note: Swag

Top Note: Pig testosterone

Marketing Tagline: "Terrible first date? Whatever."

Cologne: Sea Change

Shape of Bottle: A glass version of Beck's seminal 2002 album "Sea Change"

Base Note: Sea foam

Top Note: Pocket change

Marketing Tagline: "When she smells this shit on you, SEA her expression CHANGE."

Cologne: Thin Ice

Shape of Bottle: A glass shard of ice (or an ice shard of glass?)

Base Note: Aqua Velva

Top Note: Icy Hot

Marketing Tagline: "The most romantic icepack for groin injuries"

Cologne: Stone Cold

Shape of Bottle: A tiny glass gazebo, by the looks of it

Base Note: Curiosity

Top Note: Mango farts

Marketing Tagline: "Hide that chicken wing scent before picking her up."

AWESOME YouTube Comment O' the Fortnight

Found on a YouTube page featuring the "Penistron," wherein a Japanese inventor displays the "perfect mechanical vagina," a comment by filmchild:


5 Words:

Accidentally. Rip. Your. Dick. Off.

Follow-Up To "Stupid News"

"Those weapons- they were just for show. They were there to make us look as 'ninja' as possible." - Jesse Tronjaniak

While this news story is still fresh in our minds (and hearts) a fair question to ask "ninja enthusiasts" Tadeusz Pertkiewicz and Jesse Tronjaniak would be, "What other weapons did you consider that didn't make you guys look 'ninja' enough?" The answers were surprising:

• Fanny pack
• Hummel "Milkmaiden" figurine
• Mylanta tablet bandoleer
• Jumbo book of difficult Sudokus
• Handful of cooked cous-cous
• Thighmaster, painted black
• Fan letter to Steven Seagal
• iPod shuffle full of Wu Tang Clan tunes
• Flaccid penis
• VHS copy of "Golden Girls, Season 2"
• Rag that smells vaguely of melon
• Assortment of D.A.R.E. pamphlets
• Garden weasel
• Elie Wiesel
• Coupon good for $5 off any regular size Pizza at Pizza Hut

(special shout out to J'Net for list idea)

Hang in there, Rick.

Above, Rick tries to concept but the mean man in the big TV won't let him.