Some Hollywood Movies Based On A Pediatric Nurse's Scrubs

Hollywood is plumb out of ideas, so studios have turned to their next obvious resource for scripts was the scrubs of a pediatric nurse in Summit, NJ. Here now are some films currently in development:

"PALS" starring Joaquin Phoenix and Martin Lawrence

Two goofball friends-of-cops (but not cops themselves!) find themselves in a wacky citywide mystery when their cop roommates wind up dead at City Hall. Featuring Brent Spiner as the mayor.

"Me & You"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars the kid from "Ready Player One" and that model chick from "Suicide Squad" who always looks pissed. Also starring Kristen Stewart as the perky older sister.

"Side-Kick"

Fan favorites Tonto and Robin come out from their partners' shadows to fight crime THEIR WAY! Starring Adam Beach as Tonto and Danny Pudi as Robin. Also featuring Jean Smart as Darkseid.

"U Me & Us"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Nicollette Sheridan and Marcia Cross. THIS IS NOT A DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES REUNION.

"DAWG!" starring Randy Jackson

This loosely-based-on-reality film follows American Idol judge Randy Jackson as he discovers a world of things that are going to be a "no" for him. Directed by Spike Jonze.

"BFF" starring Jacob Tremblay, Mackenzie Foy and Caleb McLaughlin

Nostalgia time! This 80s childhood comedy-drama-coming of age story follows three friends who share a watering hole during their last summer together. Featuring the music of Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Howard Jones and Oingo Boingo. It directs itself.

Eat 'em if you got 'em.

In an unprecedented NASCAR move, stock car racing driver Elliott Sadler announced that he would be displaying a decal with the phrase "Eat a Dick, Joel" on his front hood for FREE.

"I thought about it," said the Dodge-sponsored driver at a press conference at Madison International Speedway, "and I done think that Joel done do the dang dick-eating real good now yeehaw."

Sadler proceeded to pinch some chaw into his lower lip and hate blacks.

This announcement sent shockwaves through the racing community, a lot like how the death of Tianna sent shockwaves through the Angora rabbit community. Some detractors think that the free "sponsorship" will lead other drivers to put stickers with meaningless phrases on their cars, making them look gaudy and ridiculous.

"Dang ding dang dang whoohaw ***BURP***" said longtime racing fan Earl Haggerty before fucking his sister and seceding from the Union.

Joel could not be reached for comment during the press conference, for the dicks of drivers Matt Kenseth, JJ Yeley, Paul Menard, Greg Biffle, Sterling Marlin, Tony Stewart, Ken Schrader, Dave Blaney, Jamie McMurray, Kevin Harvick, Casey Mears, David Gilliland, David Stremme, Bobby Labonte, Juan Montoya, and Reed Sorenson were all being eaten by him.

***CORRECTION*** The car pictured above does not, in fact, belong to Elliott Sadler but to DeWalt-sponsored driver Matt Kenseth. Like anyone gives a shit.