• American Girl Place is run by Al Qaeda operatives who use dolls to indoctrinate American families with pro-multicultural, globalist propaganda
• McDonald's Grimace shakes were made from toxic runoff from Salvadorian plastic factories, the same factories that made your mom's sex toys
• Invisible, noiseless drones are responsible for making every tree shed leaves in America. The drones are all controlled by Zach Galifianakis in a bunker somewhere
• Car washes offer free pine tree air fresheners because they secretly have listening chips to monitor your drive-thru preferences to sell to marketers
• There used to be a letter in the alphabet between G and H but it was suppressed by the Korean-American community because it resembled their symbol for "control"
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