A Couple of Examples of a Confusing Format

From DoorDash:

Just check the box to say yes, NO PICKLES.

From a chart explaining different bundle packages for "The Division 2" video game:

Wait, do the bundles with the X's have the content listed, or do the X's mean they don't have the content listed?

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

Kenan Thompson: (unfunnily) "I'm sorry, say what?"

"Oh Munchie. Are you up to your old tricks again?"

(translated from the French) "I have defeated you with my vulva. Now pick up your clothes and GO!"

"You tickle Benny? Benny cut your femoral artery!"

"Wha... what are you going to do with that rosin and bow, Sister Agatha?"

"This place needs a little more light in the living room. And ONE LESS GHOST in the bedroom."

Jesus, Temu. Are You Okay?

I don't even know where to begin. The bizarre A.I. Pixar woman. The multiple penis plushies. The fact that six of them is listed as "1pc".

Hard pass.

I Dunno, Temu.

Is China just shitting out every possible variation of product now to sell to Westerners? 

Don't answer that.

The ProofrEADJer: End of March Edition

Special Dreams Entry

Spotted on FB

Great, that's all we need. Karens being told that God is on their side to give them more confidence.

All The Content Creators and Influencers You Can Expect at VidCon '23

VidCon is becoming the world's foremost gathering of streamers and TikTok stars. Here's who to expect at the next convention:

• Baisley- the self-styled Instagram prankster and comedian who's been punched in the face only 4 times so far

• Samantha Risles- this 12 year old streamer simultaneously overshares and whines about wanting to be left alone

• Danny Masterson

• Tha B*XBOY Gang- based in Who Cares, Ohio, this untalented group of four brothers talk too loud and are all saying the same thing: We should've never been born.

• Victor Kush– considered YouTube's "uptight Ben Shapiro", this conservative firebrand is famous for his outrage culture war videos and macrame tutorials

• Just Horse Just– possibly an avant garde performance troupe. Possibly a group of morons in unitards playing with each other's dicks. 🤷

Good Job, Algorithm.

 This popped up for me on CNN.com:

Yep, Ritz-Carlton Yachts, you nailed it. I'm in the market for a luxury mega yacht trip to Fiji- something in the 40-60 ft. range, preferably with a bow-forward bedroom with floor-to-ceiling windows.

Call me. My tens of thousands are burning in my pocket!

Spotted In Traffic: Someone Has Two Idols

Jesus wins because he had 12 Robins. Or maybe Batman wins, because he has a grappling hook and batarangs.

A Chat From Work

An honest typo I made.

A Sneak Peek At This Year's CES Exhibits

The Consumer Electronics Show is slated for June 20 of this year in Denver, and both investors and electronics fans are gearing up to check out the newest gadget innovations. EADJ has acquired a list of the most anticipated exhibits:

• a combination Roomba/couples therapist

• a salad spinner gun that shoots cherry tomato "bullets"

• a device that only picks up radio signals and plays different "radio stations"

• a Coca-Cola jukebox that dispenses warm Pepsi whenever you request Three Doors Down

• a washer/dryer that does both badly and takes up twice the space of other units

• vape cigarettes that smell like Axe Body Spray-saturated balls

Uhhh...

I'm not sure how Temu figured out my plans for the weekend, but they nailed it.

Spotted at Target

Queen Mum?

🤯

Wait. Wait. Wait. You mean to tell me, these POTATO chips are flavored as French fried POTATOES?!!! GTFO

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Goo goo fuck you."

"Well, Karla, I guess you reap what you sow... in bed."

"Can a Roomba do this?" *takes top off*

"A classic tale of Girl Meets Poi"

"Okay, okay, I confess, Christine. I'm a professional clown. I dress up goofy and spray people in the face with a fake flower. I wear comically oversized shoes and pretend to slip on banana peels that aren't there. I ride around with 60 other clowns in a Mazda Miata, and yes, I do throw pies in people's faces and yes, I can sculpt literally anything out of long, squeaky balloons, but I do know this... I know that I am falling in love with you."

"Well, call me a triceratops, because I'm definitely horny!"

“Set Your Pathmark High, and Don’t Stop Till You Get There.”

 

More New Perks For AMC Stubs Rewards Members

The AMC Stubs Rewards program continues to dominate all other moviegoing rewards programs at AMC, thanks to its growing list of benefits and perks. Here now are the latest rewards you can expect as a member:

• If your age is a prime number, you get a nerd handjob in the theatre

• Free Reese's Sticks for every 3 times you watch "Killers of the Flower Moon"

• Shots? Shots! We're getting shots, bitch!

• VIP seating at the upcoming Machine Gun Kelly film retrospective

• Advance screenings of Maria Menounos pre-show bullshit

• Free prostate exams during "Asteroid City"

• Instead of close captions for the hearing impaired, our assistant manager will yell all the dialogue in your ear

• Popcorn bucket with Mickey Rourke's dick in it

Spotted on My YouTube App

Senator John Fetterman looking goooood.

The ProofrEADJer: March Edition

Meanwhile, in Joliet:

Wait a minute. I thought this one misspelled "PUTIN" but realized it's correct. And better.

Wait, which is the UNSWEET END? PUT IT IN – *RUMP

Spotted at Stop and Shop

Wait a minute. You mean to tell me the Manning brothers were professional football players and NOT professional models? But they're so photogenic!