The ProofrEADJer: End o' May Edition

Don't Call It a Pathmark / I've Been Here For Years

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• The Deadliest Crotch

• America's Funniest Colonoscopy Bloopers

• Kids Helping Grown Ups Move

• Chicago Librarians

• "The Bachelorette: Where Are They Now?" Special, Live from Various Prisons

• The Crown Reruns, But Dubbed With Boston Accents

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Sound Check With Mötley Crüe

• The Flan-dalorian

• Gwinnett (spinoff of Atlanta)

• A Medieval Epic That Looks A Lot Like Lord of The Rings But Isn't Lord of The Rings Because We Don't Have Permission From Tolkien's Estate Hey Look! Small People With Furry Feet!

• Tucker Carlson At Home: The Animated Series

• Weather Forecasts Delivered Extremely Condescendingly For Some Reason

Movie Poster Design Lesson #1

1) Unless it's a ribald comedy about flatulence, maybe make sure your poster design doesn't prominently feature the word FART front and center.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Mmmmmaybe Problematic

An ad for "Gangster Rapper Sculpture Garden/Home Decor" features the likenesses of legendary rappers Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac:

 

I mean, it's great, and they are pretty good likenesses of the late rappers, but put it in front of your home or in your yard, and it will remind a lot of people of those old lawn jockey statues.

From Wikipedia: 

Because of the prevalence of black lawn jockeys with exaggerated features, the item is often regarded as being symbolic of the racism and racist imagery prevalent in the United States during the eras of slavery and Jim Crow laws. Today, lawn jockeys are often depicted as Caucasian boys to distance the artifact from racial connotations. 

So just something to think about before sinking $19.99 into these.

Once Again, We Need To Find Time To Say Goodbye To All the Things Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

UAG

Spotted Online Somewhere

A banner ad for Hot Topic:

Now, my first reaction to this is "WTF"? Like, how dumb an idea is it to have a fashion tie-in with an out of date crappy horror series with a killer demon-possessed doll? But then I realized, I'm 51. I'M NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE. And the mere fact that I hate this is exactly the kind of rebellion Hot Topic's primary customers embrace.

So go ahead and dress up in some Good Guys pajama tops and overalls, kids. Maybe put a kitchen knife into your back pocket and get some stitches on your forehead. Enjoy!

A Quick Note To Disney+

Hi, Disney+. We're big fans. Love lots of your stuff.

Hey, we just wanted to give you a heads up about your ad for the reboot of "Cheaper By The Dozen", starring Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff:

We appreciate the diversity as opposed to the very caucasian 2003 film, but here's the thing–

Do you really want to refer to some African American kids as being more of a bargain when purchased in bulk?

Anyhoo, just wanted to float that out there. See ya!

-EADJ

♪ Got A Long List of Ex-Pathmarks / They'll Tell You I'm Insane ♪

More Episode Summaries of Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City"

Season 2, Episode 1: Casey and Franklin discover crates of stolen goods in the back of Charlie's home. He bribes them some of it to keep them silent, then makes plans to move the merchandise to a safer spot.

Season 2, Episode 2: Charlie's sister and mother fly in to visit him from Vancouver, but he doesn't want to see them. He stays away and doesn't answer his phone until they give up and fly back home.

Season 2, Episode 3: Too many gambling debts forces a mob enforcer to pay Charlie a visit. After breaking his kneecaps, wrists, hip, and shoulder blades, the goon leads in a song about honoring promises.

Season 2, Episode 4: Dana and Lily discover that Charlie has been playing them both as girlfriends. Neither is willing to admit that they are the source of HPV.

Season 2, Episode 5: Charlie steals from an old folks home and justifies it by saying it was a memory care facility and no one there realizes anything's missing anyway.

Reason #345,198,874,870 Why Social Media Is Dumb

GREEN BOWLS, YOU SAY? HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! CALL 911 AND ALERT THE TOWN CRYER!!!!!

Some More Available (But Terrible) Porn Names

What's up, hot stuff? Welcome to the set! We’re ready to begin shooting your first scene, but first we'll need you to pick a porn name- something we'll use to indicate you in the credits. Here's a trucker hat full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but fair warning– a lot of these are pretty stupid: 

Him

Ben Ana Sling

Al O’Pecia

Basick Abel

Black Lives Matt R.

Outstanding Warren

Her

Liv LaughLove

Isabella Stinkhole

Frieda Lay

O’Hare Layover

Barba Sol

Olivia Flutin'-Dong

"We Hang the Petty Thieves and Appoint the Great Ones to Pathmark."

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up: The Summer Airport Collection

It can't be an accident that my girl let her sparkly bra strap screaming "VICTORIA'S SECRET" in full view.

Grandma used up all the dye.

Before traveling as a group, stop by the shoe outlet to get the same pair for everyone.

Spotted at Target. A belt is a wise purchase, sir.

GOOD LORD. I thought she was Brazilian for a second there.

The TSA are just militarized Kinko's workers.

This lady was in Oakland. She blended right in.

When the school told her Monday was Pajama Day, she didn't realize it was just for HER KIDS.

It's Time Once Again To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! By by! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Alternate Opening Lyrics to Lisa Loeb's 1994 Song "Stay (I Missed You)"

EADJ recently gained access to Lisa Loeb's old notebooks and discovered that her 1994 runaway hit "Stay (I Missed You)" had quite a few alternate opening lines instead of

♪ You say / I only hear what I want to ♪

The song itself is an emotional post-mortem to a break-up and hints at the main character admitting she wasn't a great partner/roommate and perhaps wanting to move back in with them.

Here now are some of those alternates:

♪ You say / I ate all of your Cheetos ♪

♪ You say / I leave pubes in the shower ♪

♪ You say / I pay rent with Chuck E Cheese tokens ♪

♪ You say / I blocked your car in on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I gave you chlamydia ♪

♪ You say / I sold your VCR for some uppers ♪

♪ You say / I fart in your gym bag on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I never flush when we have guests ♪

♪ You say / I erase your answering machine messages on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I stole the batteries from the remote for my shaver ♪

UAG