Membership to the AMC Stubs Rewards program has its privileges. Here are just a few of the latest new benefits you can have by signing up now:
• We'll bail you out if you ever get arrested. No judgements, no questions asked, m'man.
• Secret handshake with a black member of our staff
• Fine. We will validate your stupid parking
• You can come up to our projection booth and blow Terry
• Free Dustbuster to suck up free candy from the seats
• We will tattoo the title of your favorite Jessica Tandy movie on your chest
• If you fall asleep at any time, we will rewind the movie for you and tell anyone that complains to fuck off
• Knife hands. Yeah, you heard right.
• If you are in an AMC prison, free conjugal visits every month
• We will force the Pokémon Company in Japan to name one after you
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