Wednesday, July 31, 2019

More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande


Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets
• Hedgehog paws
• Little boys named "Malcolm"
• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves
• Billie Eilish shrugging
• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"
• Taffeta
• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt
• Sally Field at any age
• Anthropomorphic bowling pins
• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"
• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

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