"We'll see you at 11, but here are some dumbshit conspiracies we're working on:"
• Cryptocurrencies like bitcoin or dogecoin are actually the harvested souls of Egyptian slaves that will drag you to Hell when you try to cash them in.
• Those "Clipper Saver" coupon books you get in the mail actually contain coded messages from D.B. Cooper, who is alive and well and building a secret media empire from Washington state.
• Oprah is actually Tyler Perry.
• The Purina "HiPro Glow" commercials from the 90s were time traveling warnings about genetic testing and were actually radioactive, giving cancer to anyone who watched them on TV.
• Donald Trump is a regular, trustworthy guy who is selflessly acting in the best interests of this country and all its citizenry, but the evil, dishonest media is conspiring to foil him at every turn.
• On the 80s show "Fame," every time they sang the word "fame" in the theme song, the Jews would kidnap another Christian pet.
No comments:
Post a Comment