Actress Stacey Dash has lately made herself a reliable source of controversy due to comments she makes as a pundit on the Fox News channel. Her seemingly contrary positions on Black History Month, BET, transgender bathroom rights ("Go in the bushes."), and Paula Deen have people wondering what other positions she has taken. EADJ has done some fake research, and here are a few:
• She's convinced the Toyota girl, the AT&T girl, and Flo from Progressive are all secret lesbians.
• She won't look into a bathroom mirror in the dark and say "Barack Obama" three times, because that means he'll appear and provide affordable healthcare to all Americans.
• She thinks Kim Jong Il has cute dimples
• Donald Trump is a patient, thoughtful, humble politician who's reluctantly running for President because he feels the shrinking middle class has lost a voice in Washington.
• Helium makes balloons sink.
• She believes 9/11 was perpetrated by Gremlins, who by the way are atheists.
• Because of the lyrics to the song "Every Breath You Take," she has put a 1000-yard restraining order on Sting.
• Stacey Dash sides with the Joker and Penguin on almost every episode of "Batman."
• You like the vertical striped curtains? Stacey Dash liked the horizontal stripes better.
• She says Listerine is run by Jews who are trying to rid your gums of "good, Christian germs."
• She thought Season 2 of "True Detective" was awesome.
• Solar energy is a direct hippie Muslim attack on honest, hardworking oil companies who love the Lord.
• Alicia Silverstone is a good actress.
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