Friday, May 20, 2016

Okay, Here Are Your Timesheets For This Week

Hi gang-

As you all are painfully aware, Donovan quit last week. I do realize that it left the rest of us with pretty heavy workloads to make up for it, and I appreciate you all pitching in to help out.

That being said, the new assignments you took on have job numbers, meaning you have to fill in the appropriate hours so that we can bill the clients and get paid to run off to Vegas.

Please use these job numbers when filling out your timesheets (due at EOD TODAY!!!!):

83295 - Erasing "Brazzers" from your browser history

33023 - Telling Donna "what's up"

91662a - Finding the goddamned White Out

91662b - Explaining to others what White Out is

055409 - Farting in the break room so that the burnt microwave popcorn hides the smell

47478 - Conference call with 98ยบ's manager re: reunion tour

73700 - Wondering why they still keep reams of ledger paper around

29174 - Saying 'hey' to the boss in the bathroom even though you know he's taking a shit

88835 - Ordering breadsticks

18434 - Linking In with the cleaning lady

73737 - Imagining a ninja coming in to slaughter everyone in your status meeting

62406 - Forgetting you hit "print" on a 245-page Powerpoint

21282 - Opening the dirty bathroom door with your foot like a pussy

24042 - Longing for Rita even though she's engaged

38565 - Standing back and admiring your giant Skeletor made of Post-Its

1 comment:

Blogger said...

Just got my check for $500.

Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them about how much money you can earn taking paid surveys online...

So I show them a video of myself getting paid $500 for taking paid surveys.