Friday, November 27, 2015

Some Hollywood Movie Ideas Based On The Types of Crayola Markers At Target

Three major movie studios– Universal, Sony Pictures and Viacom– have announced plans to release one movie each based on the names of washable markers found in the kid's art section of your local Target. Look for these potential blockbusters in 2016/2017:

"Glitterati" starring Mariah Carey, Michael B. Jordan, Sam Elliott and Diane Lane
A reboot of the disastrous 2001 biographic movie "Glitter," this reimagines Mariah Carey as a singer by day and secret service agent by night. She is recruited by her backup dancer (Jordan) to fight the behind-the-scenes Illuminati (Elliott and Lane) who control all of the world's recording studios and surveillance farms. Look for Raven Symone as hacker "INDERRE."

"Mermaid Shimmer" starring Demi Lovato, Drew Barrymore and directed by McG
This update of the classic mermaid story pits Demi Lovato as a good mermaid versus an evil merman (played by a CGI John Leguizamo) who braves the cold, hard streets of Boston to find her captured sister (Barrymore). Lots of zoom shots and multi-colored explosions. Soundtrack by Demi Lovato, Disturbed, Trey Songz and volleyball champ Gabrielle Reece.

"Over The Rainbow" starring Rupert Everett, Hugh Jackman and Kirsten Dunst. Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu. This gritty tragicomedy shows the pains that a loving gay couple (Everett and Jackman) have to face in the rural swamps of Alabama. Are there swamps in Alabama? Whatever. Rated R for tits (and not whose you think!).

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