Sony Pictures, Columbia TriStar, Universal and Disney are bidding top dollar for the following script properties, all due for release in January 2016:
"Nail Clipper," starring Colin Firth, Eddie Redmayne, and Keira Knightley. A period piece set in the 1800s, where a young socialite (Knightley) has a dreadful hangnail, and whose two suitors (Firth & Redmayne) compete for her affection.
"Toenail Clipper," starring Colin Firth, Eddie Redmayne, and Keira Knightley. A movie completely unrelated to "Nail Clipper," this stars Eddie Redmayne as a podiatrist in the 1950s who gets involved in a murderous scheme to overthrow his landlord (Firth) and marry his wife (Knightley).
"Personal Care: Scissors," starring Carey Mulligan, Dominic West, and Jenny McCarthy. A horror movie set in a strip mall spa. Dominic West stars as the faceless killer bent on cleaning all the blonde hairs out of his spa, even if it's attached to women.
"Sapphire File," starring Gabourey Sidibe and Alan Cumming. Sidibe reprises her role as Precious, but this time she's recruited by an MI6 agent (Cumming) to prevent the assassination of the Queen of England. Based on a short story thrown away by Sapphire. Look for a wacky cameo with Mo'Nique!
"Comb" A low-budget short biography of P. Diddy.
"Storage Case," starring Liam Neeson, Tim Robbins, Bradley Cooper and Eva Mendes. Three assassins (Neeson, Cooper and Mendes) do everything they can to take out a mob informer (Robbins) but keep leaving their stuff behind. Eventually the mob informer collects enough of their leave-behinds to defend himself. It's "Home Alone" meets "Rambo." No? Okay, I got another one...
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