EADJ Answers, Point-By-Point, That New Cadillac Commercial

VO: Blue blooded. Cold.

EADJ: Is this the beginning of a Twisted Sister music video?

VO: What happened to luxury?

EADJ: Oil prices went up, people got sensible.

VO: Where did all the personality go? The gusto?

EADJ: Hey, the last time Cadillacs had any personality, I think black people were still going to separate schools.

VO: The glamour?

EADJ: The glamour?!

VO: We believe you can have it all. Luxury with lightning in its veins.

EADJ: Well, I want a giraffe with wings. And a wetbar on its neck that dispenses comic books and pussy.

VO: Charismatic. Daring. Derivative of nothing.

EADJ: Mood board.

VO: This is what fuels us. The reason we're not satisfied with blue blooded ordinary, and demand red blooded extraordinary.

EADJ: You guys are fucking dumb. There are interesting luxury cars out there. And there are cool, sensible economy cars out there, too. Cadillac is neither. Why don't you go die in a cave, you oil-burning, anachronistic dinosaur of a shit brand?

VO: This is why we don't just make luxury cars, we make Cadillacs.

EADJ: Are you even listening to me?