Oh my God, I feel dizzy from the sheer crackling hate I feel for this festering turd. Bile has risen up my throat and filled my mouth by the mere mention of the song's title. Yeah, I detest it that much.
"Smile" (gag) is I guess the second of three hits from "country rap" artist Uncle Kracker. It peaked at #2 on the Billboard adult pop charts and at an impressive #6 on the Billboard country charts, which still doesn't explain why anyone would enjoy hearing an over-autotuned voice singing lazy lyrics written by a middle schooler. I mean, read this shit:
♪
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile ♫
"Buzz like a bee?!" How trite is this? I know pop (and a lot of country) lyrics are mostly insipid, but this barely even registers on my eardrums. I can't believe they recorded such basic, obvious lyrics. Some poor girl wants her 7th grade Health notebook back!
Chicks going for "girls night out drinks" totally love when this song starts blaring at Fuddruckers, though. It's like a "Brown Eyed Girl" for a new generation. But instead of having any pep or tempo, it slouches along like a half-filled bag of flour, which is not unlike Uncle Kracker himself.
So today we retire this insignificant but infuriating entry from the public airwaves. Pack your overalls and butter churn, Uncle. Hit the dirt road in your old covered jalopy full of livestock and bales of hay and haul it over the edge of the nearest rock quarry, y'hear? YEEEEHAAAAWWWW!
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