Lobsterfest® Lobsters On Through The Lobster!

Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster continues its exciting run of succulent lobster originals for a limited time, now in its eighteenth week. Here now are even more ways you can enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster:

• Red Lobster develops an advanced technology that allows you to enter other people's dreams. We enter your consciousness when you're asleep, sneak a couple thousand avatars of lobsters into your dream, then dump them all over you when you're fingering Megan Fox. It's just another way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We pay a tattoo parlor near you an obscene amount of money. Then we tackle you when you drunkenly stumble out of a bar on a Saturday night and strap you into the tattoo chair. We're pretty sure you can figure out what happens next. That's another great way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• You fall while playing jai alai and skin your leg. You refuse to get the wound dressed or looked at, and it becomes terribly infected. You come into Red Lobster and show us how the wound has developed some disgusting pus. The servers and you then get into a lively discussion of how the word "pussy" could be used in this situation without any references to vaginas. Just one more way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• Lobsters everywhere start dying for no reason. Scientists everywhere are baffled. The extinction of an entire aquatic species is imminent. Red Lobster refuses to change the name of our restaurants, stating we have a lot of "brand equity" in our name. Our chain eventually goes under as global fisheries and economies collapse. Hey, that's another great way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• The guy who played Chandler Bing in "Friends" comes to your house and asks if you want to go over to Red Lobster with him for a meal. You tell him you're actually kind of busy and need to get some work done. The rejection totally devastates him, seeing how his acting career has pretty much gone to the toilet since the show ended. Oh yeah, Matthew Perry is his name. That's just one more way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!