Push It

So, you're back from Thanksgiving, and you've gained several pounds. No problem– everyone puts on a few over the long weekend. Here are a few quick ways to help trim down to your regular, doughy self:

• Stop eating until you lose the weight you want
• Instead of taking the bus to work, run at a full sprint
• "Accidentally" lose a leg on the escalator
• Picture Nancy Grace when you eat
• Binge, then exercise regularly and eat right
• Bake chicken nuggets to be extra tough so that you can burn more calories chewing
• Masturbate while eating a hot dog to simulate something or other
• Eat protein shake powder straight from the packet... maybe snort it
• Do jumping jacks whenever you're on hold with customer service
• Eat one rice grain at a time until the sushi bar throws you out
• Try not laughing when you fart. Hard, right?
• Eat lots of greens like spinach, broccoli and Shamrock shakes
• Start preparing your food like you don't mean it, so your body doesn't expect it
• Stop falling asleep at the pizza bar at Godfather's Pizza with your mouth full
• Squat thrusts make your butt bigger, so keep doing them, baby, yeaaahhh


Pictured above, Joel reunites with C-K co-worker Bryan Dixon.