Goodbye to the Things That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye! Goodbye! 

The Guy Who Keeps Bringing Up Star Wars On Dates

Spotted At The Newark Airport

Helpful grooming tip: Take care of your unibrow before growing a mustache; otherwise, you end up looking like an equals sign.




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A Few Things To Keep In Mind When Waiting A Long Time Surrounded By Balloons

1) Cheer up– there are balloons around you!

2) Whatever it is you're waiting for will come eventually. There's no need to take your frustrations out on the balloons.

3) Think on the bright side– you could be waiting somewhere that doesn't have balloons.

4) There have to be hundreds of ways to occupy your time with balloons until whatever you're waiting for arrives or happens. Literally hundreds.

5) Did we mention that there are balloons around you?

6) If you're thinking of sighing because you've been waiting a long time, just use that sigh to inflate a balloon instead. Everybody wins.

7) This is fun: if you have to wait a very long time, the balloons slowly sinking as a result of the helium depleting can act as a sort of timekeeping device.

8) Now would be an excellent time to start a game of solitaire. Because anyone who would normally give you unsolicited advice about placing red six on black seven would be screened out by the balloons.

9) Say "balloon" out loud to yourself a few times. Around the eighteenth time, it doesn't even sound like a real word. Bah-loon.

10) If you happen to be actually waiting for balloons, YOUR WAIT IS OVER!

These and many other tips are made possible by the New York Council of Waiting Amidst Balloons.

EADJ ENTRY #400 for 2008!

Eat A Dick Joel has been committed to giving you the freshest, most consistent blog entries it can scrape together at the last minute. And since its inception, EADJ has never failed once to post at least one entry every weekday. You can take that to the bank, Cheryl.


Actually, uh, no, Pewter Bear. We were congratulating ourselves on 400 entries this year, not saying 2008 was a great year. 2008 was not a great year. It was a pretty terrible year, actually. The biggest stock market dive in American history, the mudslinging of the Presidential election, and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Oh, for crying out loud, why are we even talking to you? What we should have said is FUCK OFF.


Also, we hope your entire family dies of tuberculosis, Pewter Bear. Forgot to mention that.