Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• The Steve Bannon Comedy Festival

• Influencer Hunting

• Cooking With Meth

• The Last Hairbender

• Muppet Police Procedural

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• America's Least Funny Home Videos

• Bollywood Squares

• Bottom Chef

• Bluey For Overthinkers

• Meerkat Timeshare

*** INTERPOL EMERGENCY ***

*** BEGIN TRANSMISSION***

***MON JAN 9 2012•17:05:02 GLOBAL TIME***

ATTENTION ALL AGENTS

THE FOLLOWING WOMAN HAS MISPLACED HER PASSPORT PHOTO IN MANHATTAN
THIS PHOTO IS CRUCIAL TO HER GOING BACK TO INDIA
THE PHOTO WAS LOCATED IN THE KIPS BAY MOVIE THEATRE ON JAN 2 2012:09:17:46 GLOBAL TIME
AS THE PHOTO WAS FOUND IN THE LOBBY, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHICH MOVIE SHE HAD COME TO SEE
WE HAVE NARROWED THE POSSIBLE MOVIES THAT SHE ATTENDED TO THE FOLLOWING:

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE- GHOST PROTOCOL
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE- GHOST PROTOCOL (3D)
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN (3D)
WE BOUGHT A ZOO
WAR HORSE
ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED
SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS
NEW YEAR'S EVE
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY
YOUNG ADULT
HUGO (3D)
THE DESCENDANTS

ACTUALLY, IN RETROSPECT, THE WOMAN PROBABLY DID NOT GO TO SEE NEW YEAR'S EVE. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT STEAMING TURD

WE MUST LOCATE THIS WOMAN AND RETURN THE PHOTO TO HER SO THAT SHE CAN VISIT HER HOMELAND OF INDIA

WE ARE NOT BEING RACIST IN ASSUMING THAT SHE IS INDIAN, AS SHE CLEARLY IS WEARING THE TRADITIONAL SARI AND VERMILION BINDI ON HER FOREHEAD

SURE, THAT COULD BE ANOTHER COUNTRY OTHER THAN INDIA BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT, REALLY

AND JUDGING FROM THE EXPRESSION ON HER PHOTO, THIS WOMAN IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT GOING BACK TO HER HOMELAND OF INDIA BUT MUST DO SO OUT OF A SENSE OF DUTY TO HER SISTER KADHAPRIYA

BUT SERIOUSLY, NEW YEAR'S EVE.
WHO WOULD GO SEE THAT

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with Thunderstorm Safety Tips

When it comes to severe thunderstorms, you must first of all be prepared. Have disaster supplies on hand, including:

• Flashlight and extra batteries
• Battery-operated radio and extra batteries
• First aid kit and manual
• Emergency food and water
• Non-electric can opener
• Essential medicines
• Checkbook, cash, credit cards, ATM cards

If you are caught outdoors and no shelter is nearby, find a low spot away from trees, fences, and poles. If you are in the woods, take shelter under the shorter trees. If you feel your skin tingle or your hair stand on end, squat low to the ground on the balls of your feet. Place your hands on your knees with your head between them. Make yourself the smallest target possible; minimize your contact with the ground.

And speaking of skin tingling, I once cleaned the upholstery of the back of my limo with some generic lemon solvent I got at a car wash. The high school prommers who sat in it complained later of rashes and light burns. Never again.