EADJ Programming Note

Announcement: despite the worldwide pandemic and lockdown, we at Eat a Dick Joel will continue to semi-regularly crank out crappy entries for the foreseeable future or until Blogger goes belly up because no one blogs anymore.

The ProofrEADJer: Mostly Food Edition

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Pond Swoop With a Parachute

A professional skydiver was killed during a pond swooping competition in San Diego when he accelerated too quickly during his descent and hit the water at a high speed. But what is pond swooping, you ask? Pond swooping is a dangerous new sport popular among parachute enthusiasts where they move their parachutes close to the surface of bodies of water.


Here are the techniques to basic pond swooping:

1) Maneuver your parachute to travel parallel with the surface of a shallow pond. Use both handles to maintain control of the direction of your chute without braking too hard.

2) When close to the lake or pond, drag your feet across the surface without sinking in or slowing down.

3) Pull your chute up along the surface until you find a stable place to land at a safe speed.

And speaking of swooping near bodies of water, don't ever let a couple take a wedding photo near geese or swans. Nasty little creatures- they will chase you and your car to the ends of the earth. Stay smart, kids.

Spotted In Penn Station

Two packages of instant chocolate pudding.


Yeah, two packages of instant chocolate pudding. Just abandoned there, totally free for the taking. Like someone either forgot them there, or somehow intentionally left them there. No, it's chocolate pudding, for crying out loud. Someone definitely forgot them.


Wait, shit. Did I say two packages? I meant THREE packages of instant chocolate pudding. Just sitting there, unclaimed, like it's perfectly natural for three packages to be sitting there with no one around to claim them. What is going on here?! Aren't we in the middle of a crippling recession? Who throws out three packages of perfectly good instant chocolate pudding?!

I'll leave it there over the break, and if it's still there on January 2nd, I'll take it home.

A Story In 3 Photos

Lady next to me applies fingernail polish. On a PLANE.

Spotted Outside Detroit

Precision Slitting Service in Romulus, Michigan.


From some website:
Precision Slitting Svc is a private company categorized under "Metal Slitting and Shearing" and located in Romulus, MI. It was established in 1961 and incorporated in Michigan. Current estimates show this company has an annual revenue of $10 to 20 million and employs a staff of approximately 20 to 49. Four guys do the shearing, while another six do the slitting. All of the slitting is done on site, although one time an employee (probably Hank) did some extra slitting at home because he was drunk. The slitting is monitored carefully by a slitting robot named Carol who the boys have snarkily outfitted in short shorts and an Aerosmith tshirt. The shirt is from the "Get Your Wings" tour.

Sublime Nonsense #2

Larry K sez: "With the fates of the Mets and Phillies likely to be decided this weekend, I figured I'd get this to you now to keep it timely."

Click to enlarge:


Larry has just doubled his output.