Stop, Drop & Pathmark

More Unusable... Er, I Mean Unused And Available Porn Names

Starting out a career in porn since your degree in Communications didn't get you anywhere? Join the club. But first, you gotta get yourself a handle. Here is a bargain basement of available porn names that weren't used simply because they're awful:

Him 

Antonio Brandthatass
Rape Ape
Khaki Stan
Spanky Huntsman
Takashit Onami

Her

Skye Nett
Daleta History
Nicole Tofillup
Tofurkey Enchillada
Wilma Butthurt

The True Identity of The World's Greatest Detective.

So I was reading comics at work, and I stumble upon the "making of" section in the back of Alex Ross' book "The World's Greatest Super-Heroes."


Btw, Alex Ross is this awesome artist who paints realistic comics using gouache and watercolor brushes, but he often uses photo reference to really capture realistic poses.


So in one section, I recognize the name of a storyboard artist I used to work with when I worked at Unnamed Organization in Chicago. Matt had actually gone by the nickname "Nightcrawler," because he often drew TV storyboards for us late at night.


So, all this time, I was essentially asking Bruce Wayne to draw frames for Ore-Ida Krinkle-Cut Microwave French Fries. And instead of snapping my neck or subduing me with a well-thrown batarang, Matt just drew happy people holding bullshit packaging. I feel horrible now.

I also feel foolish that instead of calling his landline, I could have just turned on a flashlight and pointed it at the sky.


He watches over the city, a grim soul fighting a relentless war on crime. By day, a multi-billionaire playboy. By night, a dark knight cloaked in shadows, preying on the forces of evil. Unless, of course, you have some storyboard work you need done overnight. He'll send some pencil sketches to you first, then if you like, he'll ink them in and color them in time for the presentation.

An Imaginary Interview With Christopher Cross

After constant negotiations and preparation, EADJ has finally been lucky to conduct an exclusive imaginary interview with legendary light rock composer and musician Christopher Cross. The following is the interview in full:


EADJ: Hello.

Christopher Cross: Hi.

EADJ: Where's your partner Jack Black?

Christopher Cross: Excuse me?

EADJ: (suppresses giggle) Never mind. So you've been recording music since 1979. That's quite an accomplishment.

Christopher Cross: Yes. My first self-titled album actually is the only one ever to win the "Big Four" Grammy Awards (Best Record, Song, Album, and New Artist) in the same year. I'm very proud of that.

EADJ: What songs were on that album?

Christopher Cross: "Sailing" and "Ride Like the Wind" were its two biggest hits.

EADJ: Oh... gah...

Christopher Cross: What?

EADJ: Those two songs. Horrible.

Christopher Cross:

EADJ:

Christopher Cross:

EADJ:

Christopher Cross:

EADJ:

Christopher Cross:

EADJ: ...okay. We're done here.