Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain Socialism and Democratic Socialism

"Great question... Ahh... UGGGH!... A socialist, in the traditional sense, is... *gasp*....an adherent of socialism... can't... ... Socialism is a state-controlled economy... wait... in which the state... oww ow ow ow...  controls the means of production (factories, offices, resources, and firms).  FUCK... Democratic socialists... yikes... believe strongly in democracy and democratic principles... No, not that... They are by no means proponents of.. ah... ahh... uh... authoritarian government systems... *chokes*  ...many Americans associate socialism with. .and... um, fundamentally anti-capitalist ... Cough... agh... agh..." *dies*

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Fashion A Makeshift Saddle

So you're stranded with your horse and plan to ride a distance but you don't have a saddle handy. What to do? Follow these quick steps to save yourself a lot of riding pain!

1) Take three or four thick blankets and arrange them so that they cover 4 ft x 5 ft.

2) Without bunching them up, carefully tie the four corners of the blankets so that they don't unfold.

3) With two longer lengths of rope, tie the bundle to your horse. Make sure they're tight but not constraining the horse's movements or hurting her.

4) Try riding on it a few times to make sure it's comfortable enough for the long ride.

And speaking of long rides, if you've hired my limo to take you to the airport, please don't tip less if there's traffic. I have no control over it and maybe you should've planned ahead a little to make your flight. Stay safe, kids!