Now We Say Goodbye To The Things That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

And I can't believe it, but here are TWO instances of "spray goodbye":

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy theories used to be fun. In the 90s, people would tune into The X-Files on Fridays to get the latest improbable but spooky theory about how the government was trying to control you. Now it's the bread and butter of tons of crazy podcasters, Facebookers and InfoWars to get you all riled up against everything under the sun to keep you afraid and addicted to fear/anger. Here are the newest conspiracy theories they'll be floating on that show soon:

• Lane Bryant is a skinny woman who sells plus size clothes as a cosmic joke

• Virtually every food that begins with a T will give you dick cancer

• If you don't convert all your money into gold bullions and NFTs, you will starve this summer

• "POC" stands for People Of Color, but it also stands for Purgatory Octopus Centurions

• If you suck on an old Nintendo cartridge instead of blowing on it, you can get high

• All raccoons drive around in a rented U-Haul to find trash cans worth raiding

• The blue line in pregnancy tests is actually a letter "I" that stands for INFERTILE

• You know what's inside hacky sacks? Dried up aborted fetuses.

The Latest New Perks For All AMC Stubs Awards Club Members

AMC is happy to announce even more benefits for being a member of Hollywood's best rewards program: Stubs! Here now are the latest partnerships and perks you can enjoy by joining today:

• Go ahead and clip your nails- we'll clean it up!

• Shirtless hugs from either Tammy or Danny, depending on who's working

• Helpful plot subtitles for the stupid

• Free hose that runs to the toilet so you don't have to get up (funnel for women)

• If you boo, we will feel shame

• We will cover your eyes during scary movies with our hands

• If there's a fire, we will do our best to put it out quietly so you won't be disturbed

• BANDOLIERS FOR CATS