Note: Although this is dated April 1, this is post featuring real McDonald's promotional toys.
The most recent wave of Happy Meal toys is very self referential and arguably UN-fun: Introducing Lil McDonald's, miniature versions of your favorite McDonald's things that you find sitting around McDonald's, but in playable MINIATURE form that you can take home! Great, right? Let's check out these amazing new toys:
Look, the legendary McDonald's broken ice cream machine! And the toy doesn't do anything, JUST LIKE THE REAL THING!
Not to be confused with the ice cream machine is the almost-identical McDonald's CONDIMENT DISPENSER. Who asked for this? Not your kids!
Okay, a Happy Meal on a tray. Fine. Maybe check inside that miniature Happy Meal box for a more fun prize.
Hey, check it out. A drive through order station. Now you can make your Hot Wheels cars pull around and order fast food because they don't have enough time to sit down for a healthier lunch. Fun!
The next few miniatures are possibly the most mystifying toys that no kid is asking for: METHODS OF PAYMENT!
First off, yaaaay, the kiosk in McDonald's that's taken the place of ordering at the counter! Scroll through the menu on a dirty screen to order what would take 5 seconds talking to a real person! Then take a number and sit your ass down!
For those lucky enough to order with a worker at a register, here's the McDonald's register / swipe station. Now Barbie can pay for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal with her credit card. Counter and apathetic Mickey D's employee not included.
Look, it's a miniature smart phone loaded with the McDonald's app that they're always asking you to use now when you order so they can track your McDonald's purchase history! This is a BRANDING HEAVEN / DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE!
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