A display case at Stop & Shop reveals that the Phantom Fireworks company is planning to roll out feature films based on their individual products.
Here now are their upcoming HERO SERIES movie releases:
Static Bellectricity, starring Jessica Chastain
Chasten plays mild mannered Bella Brown, who discovers a magical medallion that unlocks the power to shoot electric blasts at people who tell her she can't achieve everything she sets her mind to.
Fearsome African-American, starring Keegan-Michael Key
Armed with a red spandex suit and a bold attitude, Fred Forpath transforms into FEARSOME AFRICAN-AMERICAN, who will INTIMIDATE his enemies into not making eye contact with him
Punching Down Man, starring Bill Maher
The legendary comedian plays Punching Down Man, a hero so out of touch with society norms that he thinks his doorman asking off for Ramadan is "too woke" and develops a stand-up routine/ramble mocking him.
The Sentient, starring Dave Bautista
Totally ripped and wearing a mask to hide his face, studio executives are eager to recast this role with a much cheaper actor when Bautista's contract runs out.
Captain Nuclear, starring Walton Goggins
This hero has the unfortunate ability to expose his team and everyone around him to deadly amounts of radiation, causing both his enemies and the people he loves to die of poisoning within months of exposure, while still tragically keeping him alive. He's the team captain.
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