Here Are Your Timesheets for The Week of September 3

Begin forwarded message:

From: Ham Kingers <hamkingers9@mac.com>
Date: August 17, 2011 1:05:13 PM EDT
To: "All Company (SKS)" <all@skscorp.com>
Subject: TIMESHEETS- DO TODAY

Hi everyone. It's Ham Kingers. Most of you probably don't know me by my name- I'm the "weird guy" whose office is over by the recycling bin you probably laugh at. Whatever. It's open floor plan and I can hear everything.

I've been tasked with reminding the entire office to turn in your timesheets today. Don't ignore my pleas just because I'm the "loner in the break room" or that I "stare creepily at people getting coffee." Just do your duty and I will skulk back to my hidey hole forever.

Here are the job numbers:

82246: Submitting your resignation

02585: Taking it all in (and not in a dirty way)

095327: Hearing the IT guy rant about Farscape again.

816650: Finding out who the hell Ham Kingers is

400319: Showing some nips

529934: Lying about free food being in the kitchen

333969: Hovering above mediocrity

525997: Demoralizing the team

013110: Showing off your prosthetic to the client

684373: Washing your ass in the drinking fountain

035000: Stalking Justin Theroux