The Sentinels are mutant-hunting robots programmed to locate mutant puns and capture or kill them.
ALERT: MUTANT WORDPLAY DETECTED
ENGAGING SHOULDER-MOUNTED PUN RANGEFINDER, FREQUENCY-ALPHA
•••••••••••••••••
LOCATION: VANCOUVER, CANADA, NORTH AMERICA
EVERYTHING FOR DOGS & CATS UNDER ONE WOOF. PROPRIETORS OF ESTABLISHMENT HAVE SUBSTITUTED THE WORD 'WOOF' FOR THE WORD 'ROOF.' AWFUL WORDPLAY CONFIRMED. EXECUTING MAGNA-MOVE.
(DEPLOYS DETACHABLE FEET THAT STOMP STORE INTO DUST)
MUTANT PUN ELIMINATED.
•••••••••••••••••
LOCATION: SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, NORTH AMERICA VIA ALERT MESSAGE FROM HUMAN ANDREW GALL
POSSIBLE WORDPLAY SCANNED VIA BETA-CHANNEL FREQUENCY:
CALCULATING........
CALCULATING........
RESULT: NOT A PUN. BUT OVERLAPPING WORDS ARE CONFIRMED TO BE ANNOYING.
(ANTI-WORDPLAY BOLTS SHOOT FROM EYES, DESTROYS SIGN BUT KEEPS STORE INTACT FOR SOME REASON)
MUTANT PUN WORDPLAY DEALT WITH. (HIGH FIVES SELF)
•••••••••••••••••
POTENTIAL PUN SCANNED VIA BETA-CHANNEL FREQUENCY.
LOCATION: SOME DUANE READE SOMEWHERE
"SALADBRATION." NO DEFINITION FOUND. WORD DOES NOT EXIST.
ANNOYING OVERLAP, SINCE THERE IS NO WORD "ADBRATION" OR "LADBRATION."
CALCULATING........
CALCULATING........
"SALAD" WAS SWAPPED OUT FOR THE WORD "CELE" IN "CELEBRATION." NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A PUN. CONFUSING AND BEWILDERING - POSSIBLY VERY LAZY- WORDPLAY INVOLVED.
(SHOOTS TEARGAS CANISTERS FROM KNUCKLES, RENDERING ALL EMPLOYEES IMMOBILE AND LATER, NAUSEOUS)
•••••••••••••••••
LOCATION: NEW JERSEY PANCAKE HOUSE (INTERNATIONAL)
SCANNING VIA DELTA CHANNEL:
"SIP SOP HOORAY" DUPLICATE AWFUL PUN FOUND. SEARCHING FOR PREVIOUS EXAMPLE IN ARCHIVES.... LOCATED IN 16 JULY 2013 ENTRY
DANGEROUS LEVELS OF SHEER AWFULNESS DETECTED
(DEPLOYS PLASMA-MAGNETIC CANNON TO DESTROY IHOP AND ENTIRE AREA AROUND IT FOR A 6 CITY BLOCK RADIUS.)
•••••••••••••••••
LOCATION: NEW YORK TRANSIT SYSTEM, UNDERGROUND
POTENTIAL PUN SCANNED VIA GAMMA-CHANNEL MODULATOR.
CALCULATING........
PHRASE DETECTED: "READY SET GUMBO"
"READY SET GO" IS COMMON HUMAN PHRASE
"GO" WAS REPLACED WITH "GUMBO," WHICH RHYMES BUT IS CLUMSY
CLUMSY = AWFUL PUN
"READY SET GUMBO" = AWFUL PUN
(ACTIVATING PALM BEAM TO VAPORIZE ENTIRE SUBWAY STATION BUT IS INTERRUPTED BY A KID WITH A STICKER)
"SEXGOAT" USED TO REPLACE "GUMBO"
"READY SET SEXGOAT" ≠ AWFUL PUN
SENTINEL POWERS DOWN PALM BEAM, STANDS DOWN.
•••••••••••••••••
(CHEST PLATE OPENS TO REVEAL THETA-FREQUENCY PUN SCANNER)
LOCATION: NEW AMSTERDAM, NORTH AMERICA, EARTH
SCANNING....
"CAREFUL WHAT YOU WITCH FOR."
DEPLOYS FACEPALM
•••••••••••••••••
(FOREARM-MOUNTED PUN SCANNER SWITCHES TO UPSILON FREQUENCY)
SCANNING NEARBY CEREAL BOX:
"A TASTE YOU WON'T BEE-LIEVE!"
NO SCANNER OR COMPUTATION NEEDED. THIS IS JUST AWFUL.
(SETS OFF MEDIUM-SIZED CHERRY BOMB INTO CEREAL BOX, RUNS AWAY)
•••••••••••••••••
(KNEECAP-MOUNTED PUN SCANNER SWITCHES TO ZETA-FREQUENCY)
SCANNING........
VERA BRADLEY CATALOG
"A VERA VERA SPECIAL OFFER"
CANNOT COMPUTE....CIRCUITS OVERLOADED
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.-/'-|_/ |
__ __,-' ( / \/
.-'" "'-..__,-'"" -o.`-._
/ '/
*--._ ./ _.--
| _.-'
: .-/
\ )_ /
\ _) / \( THE PIG GOES WEE NOT WHEE
`. /-.___.---'( / \\
( / \\ \( L\ THIS IS A SHAM MARRIAGE
\( L\ \\
\\ \\
L\ L\
[nabis]
(IN DEFENSIVE MODE, LEAVES ACTIVE NUCLEAR WARHEAD ON PLANET AND LAUNCHES OUT OF RANGE)
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