Some Perks and Features That Are Being REMOVED From the AMC Stubs Rewards Program

Usually, we like to update AMC Stubs Members on all the new perks and benefits being added to their membership. But lately, due to abuse of the program, the following membership perks will be discontinued immediately:

• Ability to yell four free racial slurs at the screen per movie screening

• Free usher taintrubs

• Bonus rewards points for guessing the ending and telling everybody

• Free used nachos

• Guy making popcorn will nod as you discuss with him filmmakers like Kubrick and Buñuel

• Free pirated DVD copies of movies that have already been released on DVD and reduced to the bargain bin

• Free large "cock-corn". Don't ask.

And Now, A Public Service Message

"Hi. This is the voice of Alyssa Milano, star of 'Who's The Boss' and several hundred Maxim spreads in the 90s. I wanted to share with you some troubling news about one of our favorite snack foods, Animal Crackers and the way they are currently being abused by the nation's largest cookie manufacturers."

"Did you know that all four of the big cookie producers subject their Animal Crackers to degrading, unfathomable cruelty by forcing hundreds of them to cram into a cheap plastic container rather than a much roomier and classier cardboard-box-that-looks-like-a-circus-train-car? It's true."

"Much worse, did you know that almost 30% of all Animal Crackers end up being completely unrecognizable either through shoddy baking or unsafe packaging? 'Is that supposed to be a hippo or a cat?' Who knows? Who cares? I care."

"Please, for only $4500 a week, you can make sure that Animal Crackers such as these have enriched, happy lives before being mercilessly gobbled by a four-year old."

"I'm Alyssa Milano. And you can stand with me for this worthy cause. I mean, what else do you or I have to do this week? I'll pick you up at four."

♪ In the arms of the angels… ♫ 

A Response.

Dear Eat A Dick Joel Enterprises,

It has come to our attention that your blog's writer(s?) disapprove(s?) of vagina-shaped logos, saying they're ill-suited for representing one's business. We could disagree more. There is nothing wrong with the yonic shape of the female genitalia. After all, we were all birthed from one. Or in the case of us who were born Caesarian, we were conceived through one. Or in the case of us who were fertilized in vitro AND were born Caesarian, uh, never mind that group. Those are fucking freakjobs.


Anyhoo, we at Kayak.com would just like to defend our logo against your snide remarks. Although our logo is obviously based on a kayak shape with a nice visual pun of an eye to reinforce our search capabilities, the fact that it happens to resemble a woo-woo does not detract from its beauty or relevance. Hell, all of us could use a little poontang when traveling, am I right, fellas? LOL!


But seriously, the sexual repression that graphic design has been under is starting to erode. Women are being prouder of their genitals than ever. The yonic shape is starting to be a popular element not only in design but in pop culture as well. Just look at David Cook's new album cover:


In summary, blah blah blah blah pussy logo good blah blah lazy blah blah,

Sincerely,
Henry Paulson,
President of Kayak.com and United States Treasury Secretary