The Use of Dubstep Music in Advertising, An Essay Brought To You In Part By Utz

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EADJ Presents: How To Eat Green

A lot of people these days are wondering, "how can I still enjoy dining out while still protecting the environment?" No, actually nobody is thinking that except people with OCD and Rosie O' Donnell. Anyways, here are some helpful ways of how you can eat at restaurants but still keep your carbon footprint to a minimum:

• Tell the girl at McDonald's not to wrap your Quarter Pounder in paper and to instead serve it to you from the small of her back.

• Opt for tap water instead of bottled water. And savor the deliciously pathetic look of disappointment in the waiters' faces when you do.

• If you're ordering tater skins at TGI Fridays, could you save some for me?

• Many fine restaurants whiten their tablecloths and napkins using bleach and chemicals that are bad for the environment. Torch those places.

• When ordering food at a diner, ask the waitress if her establishment has "gone green." Study the expression on her face carefully.

• The restaurant Captain D's uses caustic fluorocarbons in their catfish filets that deplete the ozone layer. I'd order the tilapia instead.

• Save your unused paper napkins and utensils so you can slip them into parked cars whose windows were left open a little bit.

• You'll be happy to know that the guys at Subway wash their hands with biodegradable soap before picking their ass and then making your meatball sub.

• If possible, take actress Eva Green out with you to dinner. Maybe you'll get this joke.

• Ask your maitre 'D to stop his earth-killing ways.

• Smith and Wollensky offers a steak that doesn't contribute to releasing methane into the atmosphere. It's called a salad.

• Save paper by not asking for the check.