Hello. We at AMC pride ourselves on our impeccable customer service and our commitment to a clean, wonderful theatre experience. It therefore distresses us to find out what happened at the Elmwood AMC location last Thursday. We're still getting reports of sickness and trauma, but here's what we know so far:
• The meat was uncooked
• We're not sure how all that meat got into Theatre 5– perhaps through the fire exit
• Almost three rows of seats were drenched in the pig blood. Only the first row got the intestines.
• People who were almost trampled at the concession stand will not have to pay for their snacks.
• Dua Lipa and John Cena were only in the movie for about 15 minutes, which is a rip-off.
• To get blood out of your jeans, sponge the stain with hydrogen peroxide, or rub bar soap into the stain. Pour the hydrogen peroxide onto the sponge, not directly on the stain. Scrub the stained garment by hand in cold water.
• AMC Rewards Club Members do not have to pay for anything for a year because of this.
• No, that was not Nicole Kidman in the theatre. Just a woman who looked remarkably like her.
• Refunds will be posted back to everyone's credit cards on Monday.
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