Here now are this week's crowdfund projects that unfortunately did not make their funding goal:
• A kitchen counter composter that takes your vegetables and turns them into fertilizer pellets– literally a live rabbit
• A weighted blanket that weighs you down with guilt
• A DUI device that makes your breath smell like you've been eating ass instead of drinking
• Vape cigars that make you look like a heavyweight douche
• Samma doppa yumma tatcha YOON YOON (description is unclear)
• Inedible panties
• Checkers except the pieces are live miniature turtles painted white and black and the checkerboard is made of flattened lettuce and we don't really have any idea of this is going to work
• Legwarmers for subway sandwiches
• Monocles for sophisticated cyclopses
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