A Staggeringly Terrible Choice For a Visual

Someone picked the absolute worst image for this sign's message. 🦠

UAG

The Latest New Guests For Next Week's VidCon

This year's VidCon, the world's foremost forum for content creators and influencers, opens next week. Here are the latest scheduled guests: 

• Rob Squad Reactions will react to their own reaction videos, creating a black hole in spacetime

• Couple vloggers Munro and Ciati will cheat on each other in simulcast streams

• OVERALLS STUD will shed his overalls persona to talk about the hardship of creating overalls videos

• A giant LIKE button will be displayed at the center of the convention center, and people can pay $10 to SMASH it

• A.I. girlfriend programmer Rand Strougher reveals what his creations' turn-ons and turn-offs are

The ProofrEADJer: End of February Edition

An Imagined Conversation

"Can we park here?"

"I dunno. What day is it?"

"It's Friday."

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"No."

This Week In Chicago Whatever

 The following are plot summaries from this week's episodes:

Chicago P.D.

Sergeant Wilford finally finds his service weapon in a beanbag chair. The openly homophobic coffee vendor meets his match with Dylan and Gordy. Special appearance by Janeane Garofalo as police brutality protestor Bella Valimus.

Chicago Med

A coma patient wakes up and can only speak in Portuguese. Three med students agree to a polyamorous relationship. Dr. Galloway thinks his new mirror sunglasses look pretty fly.

Chicago Fire

A high school conducts a fire drill that turns into a real fire, which confuses the fire department. Driver Engineer Kevin challenges the younger EMS crew to a dance-off. Dispatcher Sophie shows off her knowledge of Emily Bronte poetry.

UAG

Spotted At My Dentist

Some waiting room artwork: 

I admit, I was not prepared to see knee boobs today.

I Am Not A Smart Man.

Spotted in New York:

For a second, I asked myself, What is a WICAN SODA?

🤦

Upcoming Exhibits at Next Month's CES

The Consumer Electronics Show opens next month in Amarillo, TX. Here are the newest exhibitors and exciting products scheduled to appear:

• a poker card shuffler powered by hope

• an easy to operate remote control for older people who think the fireplace is the TV

• DIGITAL SPANX

• Actor David Boreanaz announces the BOREANAZ-TV, a 4K OLED television designed to stream exclusive David Boreanaz-related content and news 24 hours a day

• an electronic window washer that will electronically watch you bathe

• a new Ring doorbell that will shoot tranquilizer darts at porch pirates

Sound Advice From a Random Cardboard Box

Pretty good advice overall, for any situation.

Happy Valentines Day from EADJ

Today we wish you the happiest of Valentines.

And if you don't have a Valentine, Joel himself will be yours!

🫶

Spotted At Target

The 'Orphaned Protagonist' Movie Section

Block Tech Presents: GALACTIC WARS!

Many eons ago in a very distant universe...

GALACTIC WARS: Episode IV: Another Chance

The universe is ravaged by local skirmishes. A courageous group of guerrillas rises to resist the overwhelming UNIVERSAL DYNASTY.

Attacking from a secret base hidden somewhere in the universe, flying space fighters have won their first success in a conflict with the strong Monarchical Armada. The DYNASTY is afraid that one more failure could recruit a thousand more systems into the insurrection, and Monarchical control over the universe would be forever gone.

To crush the insurrectionists once and for all, the DYNASTY is building an evil new war fortress. Strong enough to obliterate a whole planet, its realization bodes poorly for the champions of freedom...

A Rilly Dum Onlyn Ad

From the Book of Dumbass: 24:7

Programming Lineup Changes at Hulu

The following shows and movies will be ADDED TO the Hulu streaming service this month:

• The Equalizer On The Stereo That Dad Keeps Telling You Not To Mess With

• Fatal Stunt Bloopers

• Saved By The Bell: Remote Learning Generation

• Moms Who Get Off Their Ass And Dance For Once

• Boring Woodworking Show Where No One Cuts Off An Arm

The following shows and movies will be REMOVED FROM the Hulu streaming service this month:

• The Step-By-Step Guide To Hacking Your Laptop To Get Free Hulu Forever

• CNN Town Hall with Psychopathic Racist Murderer Who's Running For Public Office

• PBS Anthropological Nudity

• The Married Bachelor

• Antarctica's Got Talent

The Grass Is Greener Where You Pathmark It

Before There Was Daft Punk, There Was...

Now Available at Target

New ORGANIC Lunchables: For parents who care for their kids, but not enough to not give them Lunchables!

A Copywriter Gets Too Clever For an In-Store Sign at CVS

"Strive to underachieve." Meaning, try to have a cold for less than 7 to 10 days.

So a roundabout way to say take better care of yourself. 

So buying CVS cold relief products will help you "underachieve" compared to duration of the average cold.

WHY AM I SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON THIS SIGN THAT NOBODY READS?

Info Wars Conspiracies That Turned Out To Be True

In their years of spouting hateful screeds and wack-a-doodle conspiracies, Info Wars has occasionally gotten some things right. Here are a few examples:

• 3 of the 5 members of *NSYNC are in fact Lizard People (not Justin)

• 9 Volt batteries have been proven to cause AIDS in RC cars

• Yes, radon detectors are just devices for actor Jeff Bridges to spy on everyone

• The Battle of Bunker Hill never happened and was a false flag op, historians now say.

• Actress Suzanne Somers was a Kremlin operative, eventually replaced by a convincing android

• All if the Beatles are alive on the International Space Station, and they HATE you