An Open Letter To Reese's

Hey Reese's. How's it going. 

I heard that news item about you guys changing the ingredients of some Reese's to contain less chocolate, and a bunch of people, including the grandson of the Reese's inventor, had a problem with the recipe change.

And I've noticed lately that Reese's cups seem more waxy, cheap tasting, and grosser, so I stopped buying them.

But in April, you announced that you'll go back to the recipe in 2027, which is great, but I'm not waiting 2 years for goddamned peanut butter cups.

So you can launch all the new crazy versions of Reese's cups: Reese's Marshmallow, Reese's Big Cup, Reese's OREO, whatever. But until you change that recipe back, a lot of us are gonna just eat peanut butter out of the jar.

Thanks, 

EADJ 

Spotted at a Construction Site in Maplewood

Apparently, all construction workers are required to wear antichrist ceremonial robes.

Let's Buy Up All the Rare Copies of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Mig: Meta AI thinks a dumb chat he saved as his profile pic would make for a great tattoo.

Shit. Maybe it would.

UAG

Here Are Your Job Numbers For The Week of November 7

 

Hi everyone. Management has asked me to remind you all that timesheets are due by 5pm today, with no exceptions. That deadline is firm, and I will not be accepting late timesheets as I have a softball game at 5:30 in Saugatuck and I cannot be late for that again. For those of you who do not have job numbers yet, here are the latest open project numbers for your forms:

81723 - Fully supporting what's just been said

01154 - Feeling euphoria at the last Powerpoint slide that says "THANK YOU"

58650 - Giving credit to someone before they have a chance to steal it

51449 - Announcing a hard stop at 5pm because of a softball game in Saugatuck

88381 - Using your Belk card

The Latest Funded Kickstarter Projects

Crowdsourcing site Kickstarter has announced their latest successfully funded projects. Here are the products and projects that got the green light:

• noiseless flip flops that ultimately are no fun now

• miniature baby leopards that are like regular baby leopards in every way except that they're incredibly racist against the Dutch

• a squeezable dictionary that really doesn't want you to squeeze it

• whimsical fake mustaches that hide your very real canker sores

• STAB-SAVR: a handy budgeting app that saves you cents on the dollar every time you stab someone

Come On Down and Say Goodbye To Some Stuff Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Is that Daredevil?

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! *Kiss*