"Hard Work Beats Talent When Talent Doesn't Path Mark."

Walmart Needs To Calm Down.

Spotted online: an ad for what looks like an ice tray that creates a big veiny ice dick.

I thought cold temperatures made things shrink?

Let's Bid Farewell To Stuff That Advertisers Insist We Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-January Edition

Spotted at Target

In the Home and Garden section, a product called Envirolog Color-Flame, which apparently makes your bonfires more outspoken about LGBTQ rights.

The third step in the instructions on the back is interesting: "Control your excitement."

Oh, it's controlled, all right. Maybe not as enthusiastic as the Envirolog folks had anticipated, since I'm now concerned about what toxic chemicals I'm inhaling in my yard to generate these unnatural colors?

Oh good. There's a chart online:

This is going to kill a lot of Cub Scouts.

A Quick Message To Whoever Was In A Hurry To Put On a Silky Satin Durag in a Union Indian Restaurant Parking Lot

Hello, friend. I see you were excited to get your hands on a Red® brand Silky Satin Durag. So much so that you tore the package open in a parking lot just to slap that baby on before you did anything else. Well, bully for you! I'm glad you were so pumped about your new headgear. Some people are really into new shoes or a new pair of eyeglass frames. Durags must be your thing, amirite? Ha ha. 

Enthusiasm aside, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that littering is a pretty inconsiderate thing to do. Once you opened your parcel, you just chucked the packaging on the pavement for someone else to clean up. It inconvenienced the clean up staff of the Indian restaurant and probably left a poor impression on patrons who saw the parking lot covered in litter. Next time, please THINK!

I get it. You put on the durag and suddenly fancied yourself some kind of badass, immune to rules of courtesy and propriety. What badass worries about the appearance of public spaces? Not you!

But do remember that the Indian restaurant does have security cameras in the parking lot. All they have to do is rewind footage to pinpoint where some skinny loser with an uncovered head suddenly transforms into a menacing thug in a durag and then they can contact the authorities. BE MINDFUL NEXT TIME!