UAG

An Open Letter To All Companies and Corporations

Dear All Companies and Corporations, 

There are many things we would like from you. Good service. Quality products. A pleasant overall "brand experience". But on the flip side, there are many things we would NOT like from you— long wait times, shoddy products, difficult sales transactions, and most recently, A.I. helpers.

"Hey, they're tiny and cute! And they're here to help!" is what you probably think how we customers react to these little digital critters in the corner of our browsers or phone screens. But that's not how we react at all.

Our reactions actually vary from "Oh, what's this annoying thing?" to "Goddammit, now I can never talk to Customer Service ever again!"

Because when it comes down to it, none of us are looking to chitchat with a computer during these times. We want our thing and we want to get out of there. 

If anything, throwing an AI chatbot in our face is the opposite of customer service. It's telling us you don't care about customers and that a mindless automated robot can answer any of our mundane questions. That we as customers don't deserve an actual human.

In summary, fuck these AI chatbots and fuck YOU for thinking any of us want this shit. FUCK YOU.

Sincerely, EADJ

Spotted at IHOP

Four things that should never be together:

Let's Say Goodbye To A Bunch of Things That Lazy Ad Copywriters Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

The Latest New Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC's Stubs Rewards Program is wildly successful, mainly because its members enjoy exciting new benefits every week. Here are the latest perks to joining AMC Stubs:

• A firm handshake and look of respect from a real local farmer

• Special 3D pants for 3D movies

• You can sleep here anytime you have a fight with the wife

• If the movie you're watching sucks, you're allowed to yell "ALEXA, NEXT!"

• If you are illiterate but interested in other cultures, all subtitled movies can be read to you

• We'll sneak you a medium popcorn even if you just ordered a small. We won't tell. It'll be our little secret.

• If there's a person of a certain ethnicity who's being loud in the theatre, we can ask one of our employees of that same ethnicity to ask them to be quiet so that you don't have to and end up looking racist.

Spotted at Michaels

A Chipotle Burrito turns me into one.

"Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to Pathmark.”