No, Not the Same

A search on Indeed for "Creative Director" brings up a partial match.

The Internet Is a Very Stupid Place

A meme spotted somewhere in social media:

A few things:

• A baby's skin in contact with glue is not a good idea. At all.

• A baby's skin in contact with glitter is also a terrible idea.

• If you DID do that and put their hand or foot imprint on a Christmas ornament, I can guarantee you it would NOT look like that.

• This meme is total bullshit and whoever made it has never seen a baby or a footprint in real life.

EADJ Fashion Round-Up

Donovan is ready for the Washington Square Park drum circle in this East-meets-West hippie ensemble.

Magda pops in a loose white shirt and leggings by Gershwin, plus a fun pom pom hat that just screams, I AM FUN, GODDAMMIT!

Victor allows a camo puffer to compete with wagon red Crocs in this bold tribute to cognitive dissonance.

Kathryn is bundled up nicely up top in a wool coat by Jerishi. To hell with her lower body's comfort!

Stan alerts all around him that his job is URGENT and also that he's in quite a bit of a HURRY. Accessories!

The Off-Brand TP Round-Up Returns

Brand: Platinum Facial Quality Bathroom Tissue

Brand Features: A piss yellow wrapper with a background of either clouds or fried chicken

Feels Like: 2-ply fried chicken

Brand: Monogram Toilet Tissue Rolls

Brand Features: Features CLEANING and DISPOSABLES(?) with little blue leaves

Feels Like: Getting a wedgy in burlap bike shorts

Brand: Crystal 525

Brand Features: A white dove and white flowers

Feels Like: Wiping with parchment on fire

Brand: Softouch Quality Bathroom Tissue

Brand Features: A nondescript blue oval. Some friendly rounded letters.

Feels Like: Getting slapped on the anus with streamers

Brand: Elegant Essentials

Brand Features: "Made With 100% Recycled Fibers"

Feels Like: Some of those fibers were steel wool from the apocalypse

An Ad on Facebook

A reminder, bonsai trees are known to be small. Something to think about before showing up at the club in a pair of those. Also, Japanese men might try to approach you with tiny clippers out of habit.

UAG

AMC Would Like To Address Last Thursday's Incident and Its Effect On Stubs Rewards Members

Hello. We at AMC pride ourselves on our impeccable customer service and our commitment to a clean, wonderful theatre experience. It therefore distresses us to find out what happened at the Elmwood AMC location last Thursday. We're still getting reports of sickness and trauma, but here's what we know so far:

• The meat was uncooked

• We're not sure how all that meat got into Theatre 5– perhaps through the fire exit

• Almost three rows of seats were drenched in the pig blood. Only the first row got the intestines.

• People who were almost trampled at the concession stand will not have to pay for their snacks.

• Dua Lipa and John Cena were only in the movie for about 15 minutes, which is a rip-off.

• To get blood out of your jeans, sponge the stain with hydrogen peroxide, or rub bar soap into the stain. Pour the hydrogen peroxide onto the sponge, not directly on the stain. Scrub the stained garment by hand in cold water.

• AMC Rewards Club Members do not have to pay for anything for a year because of this.

• No, that was not Nicole Kidman in the theatre. Just a woman who looked remarkably like her.

• Refunds will be posted back to everyone's credit cards on Monday.