UAG

The National Fire Protection Association Bag Graphics: Decoded

By now you and all American citizens should have received your National Fire Protection Association Bag in the mail. Many of you must be wondering what the characters on the bag graphics are thinking in this particular scene. EADJ and the NFPA have teamed up to provide this helpful guide:

1) "I'm 65 and can still work this over-the-knee knitted dress. God, I'm fuckable."

2) "I bet it would be pretty funny to pull this service dog's tail."

3) "Hey, it's Sparky the Fire Protection Dog! Let's go see, honey!"

4) "DO NOT FUCKING PUSH ME, JONATHAN."

5) "Dude, I am tripping major balls. That dog has fingers."

6) "Heil Hitler!"

Oh, The Indignity

Pictured above, J'Net tries to maintain her poise while waiting in the bathroom line at an "all ages" show.

(The girls behind her half-vomited on herself and is looking for a napkin to wipe a gigantic snot, and the girls horsing around in front of her probably didn't have to pee all that badly.)

Thank You For Coming To Loews

(pictured above, someone sat too close in "Cloverfield")