A Baffling Tie-In

Spotted at Walgreens, a poster for... uh... What is this poster for?

It's not selling any merchandise that ties in with the release of "Freakier Friday". The poster is placed at the front of the store, not next to anything in particular. And the copy just reads:

From mundane Mondays to freakier Fridays, we got you.

Whether you're 18, 80 or somewhere in between, Walgreens is here to help.

We're for Women.

What the hell? Disney just gave Walgreens money to display a super vague, half-assed movie mention in the hope that somebody who needed lip balm or their diuretic medication sees it and immedately wants to watch the movie? We're they hoping their target audience would be like, "I was gonna grab some M&Ms, VO5 shampoo and a bedpan, but now that you mention it, I think I'm going to see the Lindsey Lohan/Jamie Lee Curtis long awaited sequel 'FREAKIER FRIDAY' in theatres now!"

Could someone in marketing please explain this to me? thx

BONUS Semi-related segment:

I saw this photo on Facebook and my dumb geek ass briefly thought Jamie Lee Curtis was standing in an R2D2 body.

An Imagined Conversation

"Jake, Nathan, put your shoes on."

"Yay! Are we going to go play pickleball?"

"No, you're going with me to a photoshoot."

"But we don't want to be models like you, Dad!"

"I want to be an MMA fighter!"

"Just this once, boys. I got a callback for a lifestyle shoot for CVS."

"Aw man."

"No, Nathan. It's gonna be fun. All we have to be is the adult son and the two grandkids of the main model, who's receiving their CVS prescription."

"So we just stand there?"

"Yeah. To show that we're supportive family members when our elders need us. Like how I need you two to come along with me on this shoot instead of wasting time at the pickleball court."

"Aw man."

A Copywriter Gets Too Clever For an In-Store Sign at CVS

"Strive to underachieve." Meaning, try to have a cold for less than 7 to 10 days.

So a roundabout way to say take better care of yourself. 

So buying CVS cold relief products will help you "underachieve" compared to duration of the average cold.

WHY AM I SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON THIS SIGN THAT NOBODY READS?

Fringe Backdrop

Spotted at CVS

A Wonder Woman mask that accompanies a coloring and activity book.

At closer inspection, however, it appears that Diana's long goddess hair has been cropped into a sensible, professional bob. And now she looks like a temp.

Upcoming Feature Films Based on Air Freshener Names

Hollywood, now completely out of ideas, continues to scour every last part of the modern world for movie script sources–the latest being the air freshener aisle at your local CVS. Major movie studios are in fact in a bidding war for the rights to the different air freshener flavors to release as movies. Here are the latest upcoming titles:

"Fresh-Pressed Apple" starring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Gillian Jacobs.

Two rival apple farmers go to war over the heart of an attractive young horticulturist who just moved into town. Directed by Adam McKay.

"Linen Escape" starring Megan Fox, Adam Scott and Don Cheadle

A blanket businessman (Cheadle) is confronted by two criminals (Fox and Scott) who are trying to use his credentials to rob the bedding convention he's attending. Also starring Ed Helms as the CEO of MyPillow.

"Elegant Amber & Oud" starring Rami Malek and Amber Heard

This sweeping cross-cultural romance stars Malek as Oud who woos Amber (Heard) with his impressive stringed instrument technique. Set in the romantic Saudi city of Tabuk, it captures the beauty and wonder of Arabic nightlife as experienced by a basic white girl.

"Blue Odyssey" starring Jeremy Renner, Viola Davis and Don Johnson

A charter boat captain (Renner) is paid a small fortune to take a mysterious woman (Davis) to an off-the-map island, no questions asked. He quickly finds himself in a web of intrigue involving the mafia, NASA, the Pillsbury Doughboy (voiced by Don Johnson) and fourteen Del Taco workers. Rated R

"Mediterranean Lavender" starring Kate Hudson, Emily Browning and Regina King

 A bachelorette party in Barcelona goes off the rails when the club they're partying in gets taken over by ecoterrorists, headed by Peter Stormare. They make weapons out of what they have on hand–champagne glasses, silverware, and a giant joke dildo–to fight back. Rated PG-13 for language and a giant joke dildo.

"Blood Orange" starring Zendaya, Emma Roberts, Ansel Elgort and Robert Pattinson

A remote orange farm in the town of Limeira, Brazil is the setting for this moody, dark murder mystery. A farmer's daughter is found murdered, and her fiancé has no alibi, but there's more to this story... Soundtrack by Tati Zaqui and Kevinho.

"Aqua Exhilaration" starring Zac Efron, Mckenna Grace, John Boyega and Zoë Kravitz

Four carefree dumbasses sit in a parking lot throwing water at each other. Running time: 150 minutes

Today We Ask Skeletor If He Feels Like An Asshole In That Thing, Part 2

 Skeletor, do you feel like an asshole in that thing?

Let's Make Fun of CVS Products

I don't know if this is a new segment or not. I haven't decided. Whatever.

The implication is clear here: Buy a rollator, get laid.

Her new boyfriend ghosted her in the park, and Kathy began to regret using the N-word during their first date.

Face it. There's no casual way to pull of the cervical collar look.

"The Road To Pathmark And The Road To Failure Are Almost Exactly The Same."

Fun With Hair Coloring Products At CVS

A) Loves the new Adele song

B) Can't stand that new Adele song

C) Is thankfully deaf

A) Thinks you farted

B) Knows you farted

C) Would like to hear more

A) Retired MLB player

B) Former assistant to Barbra Streisand

C) Transferred from Al Qaeda to ISIS

A) Once gave Jaleel White a hand job

B) Once stuck her ring finger in Jaleel White's asshole

C) Has an upcoming date with Jaleel White and her imagination is going wild

Say, Why DID Jesus Come To Earth?

1) Because Callisto, one of the major moons of Jupiter, had fewer disciples to recruit.

2) For the cashews. Admit it- THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

3) Because he was legally obligated to appear on Earth per this contract with the William Morris Agency.

4) Because Jesus needed a place to crash.

5) Because the nearest CVS Photo was located on Earth.

6) To get the band together with Jason Newsted and James Hetfield in time for Ozzfest.

7)  Someone sent him an invite, so he figured what the hell.

8) Groupon.

9) To give the apostle Paul some new material to work with.

10) To avenge the death of S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Phil Coulson.



See you in Hell!

A FB Messenger Convo

Okay, CVS, A Few Things...

When I'm purchasing feminine hygiene products or sanitary protection, I need your coupons to be worded CORRECTLY and CLEARLY, otherwise you're sending me on a fool's errand. What's the $5 about?

Secondly, "expires 07/01/2013?" Like, don't I have at least a month before you force me to spend this coupon? It's not like my vagina is bleeding right now.

Thirdly, could you be wasting more paper with your four-yard-long receipts? Stop deforesting the world and leave some trees for the feminine hygiene and sanitary protection companies. Jeez, greedy.

An Imagined Conversation

"Hi. Welcome to CVS."
"Hello, I'd like to return a gift."
"Sure. The Discovery Kids Eco-Friendly Color Me Rocketship?"
"Yes."
"Was the toy not to your satisfaction, ma'am?"
"Not so much that. I didn't actually open it."
"Oh. Then what is the problem? It can't be the color. You have to color it yourself!"
"Ha ha. No, it's not that. It's just that I realized I'd purchased a twenty dollar box."
"Well, it's more than that, ma'am. Look here on the front. It 'provides endless hours of imaginative play.' It features a 'crawl-thru porthole.' It measures 5 feet long, sets up quickly, and is made from recycled materials."
"It's a box."
"Sure, but it's whatever your child would like it to be."
"Uh huh. And why did they even bother packaging it in another box?"
"I don't know, ma'am. I don't work for Discovery Kids."
"A box in another box. Who's to say the box it comes in doesn't also provide 'endless hours of imaginative play?'"
"Who says it doesn't?"
"Are you getting smart with me (reads nametag), Gordon?"
"I don't think so, ma'am."
"Just give me my twenty dollars back."
(gives money back)
"Thanks. Now, where's your dumpster, Gordon? I need a box about yay big."

How The Mighty Van Halen.

Spotted in CVS, one of the coolest guitar paint jobs in the history of rock 'n roll is relegated to a lousy paint chip for some broadway play Press On nails.

He's In My Life

Pictured below, my iPhoto "Faces" feature asks me to identify two people in my albums.



I know that guy on the left, at least.

Have I Found Her?

Way, way back in April 2007, I found this random photo developed along with my own at a CVS:


Fast forward five years to the American Airlines Admiral's Club in St. Louis. And after I've had six beers. Mein Gott, I think I've spotted her!





Chalk it up to my photographic memory and devotion to this blog. Or either attribute it to my drunk ass sadly surfing my own blog at an airport. But you have to admit, there is a resemblance. Why she would keep the same hairstyle after 5 years doesn't make a lot of sense, but hell, I've done it.

Some would point out that the girl at the airport doesn't have that birthmark on her left cheek like the girl in the photo. But she easily could've had that removed with laser surgery or a pen knife.


I dunno. I'm pretty convinced I could work for the FBI.

Well, This Is a Problem.

.




(photo of apple in toilet)





I tried to upload some photos for a new post, but Blogger keeps telling me that EADJ has "exceeded the total photo upload quota."

I've apparently reached 1 GB of total photo storage on this bitch, which I guess is easy since every last entry I've ever entered here since December '06 (a grand total of 1,659) contained at least one photo.

Stay tuned as I try to either upgrade the storage for EADJ or finally close this blog and start "Eat Another Dick, Joel."

Personally, I think this post put it over the limit.

You Procrastinating Fuckers!

(Pictured above, some people waiting until the last minute to be thoughtful to whoever they happen to be with at the time.)

The Second Best Photo I've Ever Taken

I snapped this photo on the NJ Transit train last night.
I've titled this "The 2 Kinds of Men."


Here is my previous favorite photo.

But just as a reminder, here is the GREATEST PHOTO I'VE EVER TAKEN: