This Is Real.

Spotted in a safety insert on a United flight:

United asks only Gen X dads to keep their safety belt on at all times.

"It's cool! No one will ever notice!"

Upcoming Hollywood Movies Based on the Flavors at Wing Stop, PART TWO

In a stunning, unprecedented development, the big five studios are STILL claiming and developing movies based on the Wing Stop flavor menu from two days ago.

Here are the latest greenlit projects:

"KNOW THEM LOVE THEM" starring Julianne Moore, Letitia Wright and WWE wrestler Alexa Bliss

A retired teacher (Moore) moves to a small midwestern town, only to find that the women have been second class citizens since the 60s. She shows them through a spectacular PowerPoint deck how far the rest of the country has come. 

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"Atomic Cajun" (a combination of Atomic and Cajun) starring Zazie Beetz

From the director of "Bullet Train", Beetz plays an Acadian farmer who discovers nuclear waste in her end of the swamp. It transforms her into a super strong martial artist who can take revenge on the corporation that polluted her home. Also starring Zac Efron as CEO Gurney Tamblon.

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"Spicy Korean Q" starring John Cho, Lee Hung Si, and Sung Kang

A mysterious conspiracy website invites a gang of South Korean government agents to the U.S. to track down the real Bigfoot, Loch Ness, and Mothman, all government experiments gone wrong. But is the website just some kid in his basement? It's a conspiracy comedy in the vein of "Burn After Reading" and "The Men Who Stare At Goats". "Parasite" director Bong Joon-Ho has been attached.

Soundtrack by BTS, BLACKPINK, EXO, BIGBANG, and GOT7

Where are the MTV Veejay's Now?

Well, we know Daisy Fuentes is still promoting stuff.

Okay, to be fair, Martha Quinn, Alan Hunter, Mark Goodman, and Dan Cortez don't have their own brand of lobby broom and dustpan set. You go, Daisy!

 

Upcoming Hollywood Movies Based on the Flavors at Wing Stop (*WITH SPECIAL GUEST*)

It's no secret that Hollywood is all out of ideas. Scriptwriters are looking everywhere for some sort of property to turn into a hit movie. The biggest five studios—Universal, Paramount, Warner Bros, Disney and Sony—have now looked to the flavor menu at Wing Stop for inspiration to their next box office hit.

Here are the movie projects that are already in development:

"Garlic Parmesan" by DreamWorks Animation

A grouchy sprig of Garlic (voiced by Ryan Gosling) trapped in a pizzeria learns the value of teamwork and community as he meets Pepperoni (Katt Williams), Mozzarella (Kristen Wiig), Mushrooms (Kevin Hart and Peter Dinklage) and the oftentimes unwelcome Pineapple (Dane Cook).

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"Mild" starring Alexandra Daddario, Anthony Mackie and Jesse Plemons

The spicy food craze comes to a halt when two food scientists (Daddario and Mackie) accidentally create an addictive new mild spice to add to everything from salads to short ribs. Plemons stars as the FDA agent hellbent on stopping them. A hilarious romp but also an important think-piece about addiction and responsible sourcing. Directed by Adam McKay

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"Mango Habanero" starring Diego Luna, Benjamin Bratt and Jamie Foxx

A high-stakes prisoner race across the Southwest U.S. where the winner earns their freedom and the losers get executed. Set in the NEAR FUTURE. Also starring Kate Mara as the evil warden.

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The following entry was guest written by ANDREW GALL:

"Louisiana Rub"

The "Louisiana Rub” is the story of local barkeep Marcus Reed (Daniel Kaluuya) and jazz singer Elise DuBois (Zoe Saldana), whose fiery performances at the jazz club are as spicy as the city’s cuisine. As passions and secrets blend, the two must navigate through personal and professional conflicts. Directed by Ava DuVernay.

Unintentional Exquisite Corpse

Spotted on reddit, a pair of thumbnails that create a creature with two heads and four legs:

Even More New Perks For AMC Stubs Rewards Members

AMC's Stubs Rewards program continues to dominate all other moviegoing rewards programs thanks to its ever-changing list of benefits and perks. Here are the latest rewards you can expect as a member:

• Free tickets to advance screening of movies that will probably bomb anyway

• We will fill your popcorn bucket with hot nacho cheese so you can dump it over the head of anyone you think is being too loud

• Unlimited Blockbuster Video rentals

• We won't throw any hooker in the theatre if she says she's with you

• Free refills for Mark Cuban (not you)

• If you're traumatized by any particular movie, we will carry you home, bathe you, dress you in warm flannel pajamas and rock you gently to sleep

• AMC has added a SKIP button on all movie trailers so you can skip them

UAG

The Drake/Kendrick Rap Beef Explained— Sponsored by Utz

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Saying Goodbye To 4 Things and Declaring a Fatwah On One

Goodbye! Farewell! Bye! Good bye!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa. "DEATH TO brain fog?" Jesus. Harsh much, Mud copywriter? At the very least, you don't want to put the word "death" and "brain" in the same sentence when you're talking about a consumable. That gives people jitters.

Orwellian.

Spotted at Walmart:

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. Self checkout is investing in America's jobs.

Temu Throwing Everything At The Wall

Fuck an algorithm. Temu just decided to throw the most random shit together to possibly interest you.

I think all of these pictures were on that cursed videotape in "The Ring".

"I Walk Slowly, But I Never Walk Pathmark."

AMAZING New Speakers Scheduled For VidCon!!!!

The upcoming VidCon is shaping up to be a veritable Who's Who of High School Students influencers, content creators and Instagram models, and tickets are still available! Reserve your spot now and catch these newly added speakers:

• Bad Luck Brian is scheduled to fall down the convention center stairs in a horrific accident

• Dhar Mann wasn't invited, but the police will be ready to tackle him if he does show up

• Instagram comedian Toby Wallace unveils his HILARIOUS and SPOT-ON impression Mr. Hargraves from 3rd period!

• TikTok's Sherpa Watzillahala will catch a bullet. In their chest.

•  Cristiano Ronaldo will stand up and personally name and thank all 628 million of his Instagram followers.

No Title

Saw this courtroom sketch in the news. Had to do something with it.

UAG

Smecial Dreams Entry

And this one from my Uncle Tony:

Hello, New Say Goodbye Entries!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Featured Products at This Year's Half-Assed Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) is normally a very exciting showcase of new electronic product launches, but somehow this year no one, including the organizers, are very into it. Here now are some of the exhibitors you can look forward to (or not):

• another Roomba, except this one's more oval shaped? Who cares

• I dunno, a remote control for the washer and dryer that controls them? 

• Some bullshit thing you wear on your wrist that monitors your whatever

• Could you change the image on the big screen so we can watch football or something?

• This new vape pen that doubles as a breathalyzer... fuck, this is lame

• Are you guys leaving? Can I get a ride? You leaving now?

"One Good Thing About Pathmark, When It Hits You, You Feel No Pain."

EADJ Pun Police: Hall Monitor Edition

"All right, guys. The third period bell is about to ring, so make your way to your classrooms. Anyone caught in the hallway will get a tardy or a trip to the principal. And let's keep any puns to a minimum."

"A sign in an Indian eatery. Ugh. Really? They couldn't do better than '(curry)ently?' That's a stern warning from me."

"Simply Ear-Resistable? That means it is resistable, but with ears. BAD BUNNY."

"Okay, this one is waffle... I mean, AWFUL. It deserves a write up. Easily a mark on your record there."

"HAIR YE, HAIR YE. Oh that is painful. Plus the second sentence is just the worst. Here's your violation slip– go directly to the principal's office. And NO RUNNING."

"Aggghh! So many puns! Too many! I'm gonna need back up! Mr. Senheim, come out to the hallway! I'm in over my head here! HEEEELLLLLPP!"