Saying Goodbye To 2025 and Other Things Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! *Kiss* So Long! Goodbye!

Hey, Wait a Minute.

This truck that advertises a business called JUST DRAINS instantly contradicts itself by also offering all sorts of other sewer and drain services.

That means it's NOT JUST DRAINS, JUST DRAINS.

Dollar Express Ad or David Lynch Nightmarish Mood Board?

cue dark Angelo Badalamenti music

Featured Guest Speakers at the Upcoming LEVEL UP Designer Online Summit

Designboss.co is fixin' to host LEVEL UP, a virtual event that brings the world's top digital designers and influencers together for 4 days of instruction, inspiration, and design hacks. Here are some of the featured guests scheduled to speak at this one of a kind summit:

• the guy who invented the smallest X possible to close pop up windows

• Pre-Roll Candice, the queen of unskippable YouTube ads

• Cory and Dash, two loud motherfuckers who speak at these type of things without any credentials

• the local fire marshall who is required by law to review fire exits despite the fact that this is all online

• Lana Del Rey for some reason

• Kernmaster Duphuy Agnostic will discuss reverse contrast typography

• some 60 year old designer who can't find the unmute button

• Irish actor Andrew Scott will talk about his passion for Bézier curves

Merry 20th Christmas From Eat A Dick Joel!

This Christmas morning marks 20 years of needlessly blogging about bullshit nobody cares about, hosted graciously for free by Blogger.

To commemorate this momentous occasion, we did the 2026 thing and used A.I. to create a holiday-themed background for our figure. It served up 3 options and we liked all of them:

Merry Christmas, readers (or reader)! Who are you, anyway?

A Late Entry Into "Did They Christmas Bang?"

On Monday, we played a game of "Did They Christmas Bang?", where we guess if the couples featured on Hallmark Christmas movie posters actually did the dirty deed or not, purely based on their body language and expressions. Here is an entry that I forgot to include:

Yes.

Judging by her expression, she's glad it happened and can't wait to tell her friends. But by his expression, he feels like he's out of her league for some reason and wouldn't deign to sleep with someone so basic.

But he did.

So suck it up, douche. You bumped Vermont uglies (and possibly big Vermont foreheads) with her.

Hey Playmobil

Hey Playmobil,

If you come in for a sonogram but your healthcare provider gets you an MRI instead, they’re inflating your bill to get paid more from your insurance.

Also, DO NOT WEAR HEADPHONES in an MRI machine.

Also, they should NOT be drinking on the job.

It's Time To Play "Did They Christmas Bang?"

Welcome to EADJ's first annual round of "Did They Christmas Bang?" where we guess if the lead actors of a Christmas Hallmark movie either banged or not based on their appearance on the movie poster. Let's begin!

Yes.

No.

Probably not. {The man and the older woman, you pervert!)

Probably not, seeing how they all seem like family. Ew.

Yes. Dude banged both of them, possibly in front of the fireplace.

Oh fuuuuuck yes. And she pegged him with that whisk.

Nah.

No. She's gay. They married to hide it.

No. She could do better than the concierge at Hyatt.

These two rutted like rabbits with their Timbos still on.

No.

No.

No.

Yes, maybe. Lots of power play here. But yeah, it probably happened.

No.

Speed round: Yes/Yes; No; No.

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every few weeks, Netflix renews or cancels shows and movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Joe Rogan Endorses Trump and Dares You To Eat a Tarantula

• America's Got Cirrhosis

• Boring Police Procedural With Tits

• To Catch a Predator To Corner Them and Sell Them Amway Products

• Young, Beautiful, Teenage Vampires With Stupid Problems

• 2027 LSAT Prep Review, hosted by Kim Kardashian

• Donkey Ass: The Series

And here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Dumb Influencers Arguing About Fuck-All

• Space Janitors

• The Mandalorian and Tofu

• Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yam, Shimmy Yay

• Disney's Re-Animated Version of the Live Action Version of the Animated Movie

• Reboot of show "Reboot"

• Ice Road Fuckers

At Long Last

From the makers of walking shoes and gloves made especially for hands: The Digging Shovel:

Warning: Not for bonking other Stooges on the head. This is for DIGGING.

Walmart Ad Carousel or David Cronenberg Nightmare Fuel?

Spotted on Faceboko: Walmart presents one horror after another, creating a montage of unsettling terror.

7 days after you watch this video, you will get a phone call that tells you that you'll die.

Let's Get Ready To Say Goodbye To Things That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

 More of advertising's least creative headline format:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Yeah, Baby, Yeah!

 Spotted in a church bulletin: a local realtor is one set of bad teeth away from Shagadelic, baby!

"Oh behave!"

An Imagined Conversation: Things the Photographer Said To the Models of Depend Packaging

The following are things the photographer probably told the Depend undergarment models during the photoshoot:

"Okay, now give me DryShield! Give me Odorblock! Yes! Yes!"

"That's it. Now lift your chin and point it in the same direction as your bulge. Perfect!"

"Slay, king! Give me more! You're gonna be on the XL packaging, you know! Act like it!"

"Okay, now look like you've walked in on your fiancée who found your Depends and you're not a little turned on by that. Yes! EXACTLY that expression!"

New Products Announced at This Year's Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas is the industry's leading showcase for premiering devices, hardware and peripherals for consumers. 

Here are most exciting announcements from the 5 day show: 

• a scanner that your grandma can easily operate whenever you're around but can't when you're not

• Sony's new tablet that automatically connects your bank account to a Sony account

• a restaurant table device that you can pay your check with, except this time it's even MORE filthy!

• a clothes dryer that GIVES you a random sock whenever your do a load

• AI powered refrigerators that won't open if they don't like how you're talking to your wife

• a wearable digital thingie that looks stupid as fuck but also is kind of pointless and expensive

• Samsung's revolutionary all-digital Butter Churn 2.0

• a handy taser for police that automatically tases anyone who's filming the incident

UAG

Smecial Dreams Entry