Quick Whore Test

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Let's Turn a Jeans Sales Display Into Sequential Storytelling!

I was bored at the Levi's Store while my sons were shopping, and I spotted four posters on one wall and figured, What if that was somehow a comic strip-style story?

Here's a close up of the posters. And here we go:

Toby was feeling pretty happy and carefree.

But then his needy sister Charlotte stopped him and they started wondering what they were going to do for dinner.

Toby realized they didn't have any money.

But luckily their friend Cade had a roll of quarters and they ate Funyuns from the vending machine!

The end. I didn't say it was a good sequential story.

Still In Business!

Although Bed Bath and Beyond has closed most of their stores nationwide, their website continues to show that they're still affordable and essential for today's shoppers.

Should I Be Worried?

 Pictured below, a kidnapper is on his way to pick me up:

Everyone Needs a Side Hustle

Pictured above, former First Lady Michelle Obama makes some extra cash modeling for Airbuds.

It's Time To Say Goodbye To Stuff Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Begone! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

 

A Public Service Announcement (EADJ PSA)

ATTENTION: Don‘t fall for the Harp’s Tarps fake news! Almost all of their coverage skews heavily toward a pro-tarp agenda, suppressing any alternative views toward canvas coverings or indoor storage.

Smecial Dreams Entry: Celebrity Edition

UAG

Schedule Changes To VidCon 2025

The industry's biggest meet up of influencers, podcasters and content creators is almost upon us. But due to unforeseen circumstances, the schedule of speakers has been changed. Those of you who have purchased tickets for particular speakers should check the updated line up for particulars:

• The OnlyFans workshop has been switched with the Labubu Modesty Brigade

• The aspiring Instagram boy band Hartz-4-U has been disbanded and rehired as maintenance workers

• Reaction vlogger Ju See Dat will not be standing by the women's bathroom reacting to whoever comes out as he had announced

• The Elon Musk Stan Podcast will be broadcasting from Hall D, not Hall E. 

• Unsigned rapper VinylPussy will be signing his demo tapes for $500 and selling branded hoodies for $1200 each

Autumn Leaf Was Ready For Halloween.

Autumn Leaf was ready for Halloween.

Other Leaves just smirked and looked fabulous.

And Another Leaf just seemed confused.

Bonus: Two Leaves show their love! ❤️

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Out of the way, lady! We've got a nuclear showdown in international waters to get to!"

"You know, we won't need a bigger boat after all."

(Some version of a terrible "icicle/icy kill" pun)

"EWWWW! Quick, does anyone have hand sanitizer?"

"You missed. You missed again. Nope, missed. Missed again. Missed. Another miss. Are you even aiming?"

The Horror That Is Public Domain

As of Jan. 1, 2024, the original Mickey Mouse from the 1928 cartoon film Steamboat Willie became public domain. And like lots of other properties that lost their copyright, Mickey was quickly turned into a horror movie:

Why is this always the inevitable fate of old cartoons? Do filmmakers still think this is edgy and hilarious? Are people even going to a theatre to see these? Your guess is as good as mine.

(I think the most enjoyable thing about these is reading the corny taglines on the movie posters.)

UAG

Don't Shop on Amazon if You Can Help It

But if you have to, make sure you order groceries on Amazon Fresh. Otherwise you're buying from some random seller and get it shipped like this in the mail:

 

"Great Works Are Performed Not By Strength, But Pathmark."

The Latest Crowdfunded Projects on Kickstarter

The following projects have successfully met their crowdfunding goals for this week on Kickstarter:

• A kitchen device that 3D prints and cooks lasagna that also nags its adult children why they aren't married yet

• A dog-whistle dog whistle that only racist dogs can hear

• Cargo pants that can hold a laptop, an iPad, two Xbox controllers and seven of Mom's White Claws stolen from the fridge

• A smooth, tapered podcast microphone that conservative podcast bros can shove up their ass

• A web-enabled rosary that posts a tweet every time you say a Hail Mary or an Our Father

A Familiar Face Pops Up Again

A FB ad features Doink The Clown Wrester, a name I haven't posted about here since the early 2000s.

Something I Noticed On YouTube

Served up to me on the algorithm after watching a video by Djo:

Geez. Does every cast member of "Stranger Things" have a record deal? What an incredibly talented group of people. Where's Dustin's dance video for "The Neverending Story"?

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes...

Pictured below: A banner for Secret Body Spray: 

Pits, Underboobs, Privates, Feet.

Coincidentally, these four areas are where inmates in women's prisons are searched for weapons.

These could also be the nicknames of four female mafia enforcers.

Sofia "Pits" Scapelli

Lucia "Underboobs" Russo

Viola "Privates" Barbieri

Ginevra "Feet" De Luca