It's Time To Play "Did They Christmas Bang?"

Welcome to EADJ's first annual round of "Did They Christmas Bang?" where we guess if the lead actors of a Christmas Hallmark movie either banged or not based on their appearance on the movie poster. Let's begin!

Yes.

No.

Probably not. {The man and the older woman, you pervert!)

Probably not, seeing how they all seem like family. Ew.

Yes. Dude banged both of them, possibly in front of the fireplace.

Oh fuuuuuck yes. And she pegged him with that whisk.

Nah.

No. She's gay. They married to hide it.

No. She could do better than the concierge at Hyatt.

These two rutted like rabbits with their Timbos still on.

No.

No.

No.

Yes, maybe. Lots of power play here. But yeah, it probably happened.

No.

Speed round: Yes/Yes; No; No.

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every few weeks, Netflix renews or cancels shows and movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Joe Rogan Endorses Trump and Dares You To Eat a Tarantula

• America's Got Cirrhosis

• Boring Police Procedural With Tits

• To Catch a Predator To Corner Them and Sell Them Amway Products

• Young, Beautiful, Teenage Vampires With Stupid Problems

• 2027 LSAT Prep Review, hosted by Kim Kardashian

• Donkey Ass: The Series

And here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Dumb Influencers Arguing About Fuck-All

• Space Janitors

• The Mandalorian and Tofu

• Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yam, Shimmy Yay

• Disney's Re-Animated Version of the Live Action Version of the Animated Movie

• Reboot of show "Reboot"

• Ice Road Fuckers

At Long Last

From the makers of walking shoes and gloves made especially for hands: The Digging Shovel:

Warning: Not for bonking other Stooges on the head. This is for DIGGING.

Walmart Ad Carousel or David Cronenberg Nightmare Fuel?

Spotted on Faceboko: Walmart presents one horror after another, creating a montage of unsettling terror.

7 days after you watch this video, you will get a phone call that tells you that you'll die.

Let's Get Ready To Say Goodbye To Things That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

 More of advertising's least creative headline format:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Yeah, Baby, Yeah!

 Spotted in a church bulletin: a local realtor is one set of bad teeth away from Shagadelic, baby!

"Oh behave!"

An Imagined Conversation: Things the Photographer Said To the Models of Depend Packaging

The following are things the photographer probably told the Depend undergarment models during the photoshoot:

"Okay, now give me DryShield! Give me Odorblock! Yes! Yes!"

"That's it. Now lift your chin and point it in the same direction as your bulge. Perfect!"

"Slay, king! Give me more! You're gonna be on the XL packaging, you know! Act like it!"

"Okay, now look like you've walked in on your fiancée who found your Depends and you're not a little turned on by that. Yes! EXACTLY that expression!"

New Products Announced at This Year's Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas is the industry's leading showcase for premiering devices, hardware and peripherals for consumers. 

Here are most exciting announcements from the 5 day show: 

• a scanner that your grandma can easily operate whenever you're around but can't when you're not

• Sony's new tablet that automatically connects your bank account to a Sony account

• a restaurant table device that you can pay your check with, except this time it's even MORE filthy!

• a clothes dryer that GIVES you a random sock whenever your do a load

• AI powered refrigerators that won't open if they don't like how you're talking to your wife

• a wearable digital thingie that looks stupid as fuck but also is kind of pointless and expensive

• Samsung's revolutionary all-digital Butter Churn 2.0

• a handy taser for police that automatically tases anyone who's filming the incident

UAG

Smecial Dreams Entry

They Should've Workshopped That Tagline A Little More

A one-sheet poster for the movie "Worst Christmas Ever":
 

Is... is that a domestic violence joke? For a Christmas movie about family?

Some More Added Perks to an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC Stubs is the country's most successful theatre chain loyalty program. Why? Because its members enjoy an ever expanding array of perks and benefits. Here are the latest added membership rewards:

• Up to 4 free movies a week (Jesus Christ, who has the time for that many?)

• Free refills of beverages, popcorn, and synthetic motor oil for your car

• You will be able to hold your alcohol better once you're a member

• We will point the air conditioner vent directly your way on very hot days

• If your name is Joanne, we promise to never, ever call you Joan by accident

• Free 3D glasses that won't work with regular movies but will make them a lot dimmer

• Up to 3 free guest passes to anyone you bring along, even if it's obviously a prostitute

The ProofrEADJer: Early December Edition

UAG

Some Available (But Terrible) Porn Actor Names

Welcome to the porn set! I hear it's your first time on camera, so I wanted to tell you to relax and just remember we can always stop rolling if you need to lube up or get a popper. Oh, also, before we get started, you might want to pick a porn name. There's a kaiser's helmet over there by the camera equipment full of unused porn names that you can pick for yourself. Keep in mind that they're a pretty terrible selection. Good luck!

Male

Barry D. Hatchett

Duck Duck Guzman

Dustin Foprints

Curtis E. Flush

Lou Hangin-Froot

Trey Bouchet

Gerry Atric

Willy Nilly

Mike Rowe Penis

Al G. Bloom

Female

Tess the Rainbow

Gladys Payday

Marge of Dimes

Perra Menopause

Jenny Say Quoi

Cyclospora Outbreak

Yikes

Spotted on FB, what I thought was a demonic claw turns out to be a fluffy carpet. Whew!

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Here's where we cover the latest (and worst) in hip hop mixtape covers:
 

bia: Do we have any concepts for the mixtape cover?

ty dolla Sign: No

bia: Wait. I got an idea!

When the eatery in your neighborhood looks this old and crappy, you know that either the food is cheap or really, really good. Probably both.

Hey, look. Google released their branded color shag carpet jackets.

Perfect. No notes.

Shitty Boyz made custom jerseys and everything but forgot the damn ball.