The Newest Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

"Even heartbreak feels good in a place like this."

That's total bullshit, but being an AMC Stubs member does make heartbreak a little easier to bear, thanks to the latest perks and bonuses such a membership can get you. Check it out:

• You can sleep in our projection room with your friends and survive a catostrophic comet extinction because of the lead-lined walls

• Free Jujubes if you can find them

• AMC Stubs members can drive drunk in our parking lot (we are NOT responsible for DUIs off of theatre property)

• You can use the exclusive SKIP button that appears on all movie trailers

• 3D movies will have a 45% less chance of sexually assaulting you

• Members can watch up to 4 movies a week, for free! Who needs a life?

• Free lasik surgery for anyone who forgot their glasses

Spotted At Target

The 'Orphaned Protagonist' Movie Section

Beards And Glowering

Pictured above, Russell Crowe in 2010, 2014, and 2024 rocks his version of Blue Steel

A Few Questions For the Set Decorator of the 1986 Film "Top Gun"

• Why is there a bulletin board in the men's locker room right by the showers? Wouldn't all that moisture make the notices and paper wet?

• Why put it right in front of a bench where wet people would lean against it and get ink all over themselves?

• Why would they need to put FIGHTER WEAPONS SCHOOL at the top of it if all the trainees already knew where they were?

• Why is there a Navy recruiting poster? They're already enrolled in the Navy.

• What is a 'Bandit Day'? This was never mentioned in the film.

• Is Maverick interested in that used guitar for sale? Does he even have the time to pick up a hobby like that?

• Who approves what notices can or cannot be posted on the bulletin board? Is it CAG Stinger? It is, isn't it?

Even More Dialogue From Movies I Haven't Seen

 

"We did it! We beat the grown-ups at their own game! We can finally DRIVE AT THE AGE OF 15!!!!"

(mumbled tough guy line in a grizzled cockney accent)

"FUCK yeah! Merry fucking Christmas, everybody!"

"Now where is it... Oh, I see it! There's my antiperspirant made for women!"

"Okay, back it up a little... now cut it... no, cut it to the left. The left... now straighten it out and go forward a little.... straighten it... Stop. Now back it up again but cut it the other way, hard... "

(can't understand anything because the audio recording is so bad)

"I SAID I WANTED A PS5, NOT A PS4!" (plunges knife into Santa)

"You and I are not so different, you and I."