Let's Lose the Bookmark and Forget Where We Left Off in the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew: a van in Seattle for Brown Town Electrical:

Hey, take the carpool lane and then pull the van over. I need to go to Brown Town.

UAG

Meanwhile, At The Gaslight Restaurant...

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes?"

"I ordered the fish fritters, but you brought me the chicken strips."

"No, you ordered the chicken strips."

"Um, no. I remember ordering the fish fritters. Because I wanted to try it."

"Where'd you get a crazy idea like that? I wrote down 'chicken strips' when you ordered it. Why are you making things up now?"

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I'm very busy here. I have lots of other tables to wait on, so don't be so selfish and try to lie about ordering fish fritters when it's OBVIOUS you ordered the chicken strips, for Christ's sake. You ORDERED THE CHICKEN STRIPS, OKAY?"

"Uh, okay."

"Enjoy your meal!"

 

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of May 4

For your reference, here are the top- er, bottom Twitter hashtags that no one is using. Want to use these on your own tweets? Knock yourself out:

.

#McRibbones

#jiffylubecoffee

#aladdertomypubes

#notwithoutmydaughter2

#pinchingthehulk'snipples

#featuringPitbullT-PainandSia

#madeleinealbrightcunnilingus

#askmeificareiactuallydowhyisthatsurprising

#dudei'msobakedican'tevenrememberthatpothasbeenlegalizedalready

To The Male Employee At The Place Where I Work Who's Too Lazy To Take The Elevator Down To The Lobby To Go Outside And Have Your Stupid Cigarette:

1) You're stinking up the men's bathroom with your cigarette.

2) You're a filthy asshole.

3) You're not fooling anybody.

A Cry For Help

Pictured above, if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can hang a painting of Mr. T out of your office window without your boss knowing, maybe you can hire– the A-Team.

Pop Quiz

One is a public bathroom at an Exxon station on the New Jersey Turnpike. The other is a bathroom at an office building at an advertising agency in Manhattan. Which would you rather use?

Something smells moist.

(pictured above, Dean Hacohen once again puzzled by Jessica showing off her ass)

*****SFVOSP@CVS*****

(the following is a firsthand account from Andrew Gall, who spotted the SFVOSP last night)

The time: approximately 6:20 pm. The place: CVS. The scene: The shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson waiting to pick up some photos. The weather was unseasonably warm yesterday, and the SFVOSP clearly took notice. He was clad in a short-sleeved plaid shirt, jeans, and had sunglasses atop his head. He looked fairly anxious; perhaps if he had revealed his status as the SFVOSP to the CVS photo technician, perhaps he would have received his photos in a more timely manner. It cannot be known for certain. What is certain is that he is alive, well, and still shorter and fatter. My eyewitness report was corroborated minutes later by Larry Liss, who saw the SFVOSP still waiting. And still being shorter and fatter.

(pictured above, Andrew's own rendering of the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson)

Editor's Note: When asked if he thought it was actually Scott Peterson at first, Andrew said, "No. I knew exactly who it was."