New Jersey Can't Star Wars.

A post from the Maplewood, New Jersey Department of Community Services on May the fourth:

Just rolls of the tongue, right?

And here's a program for the Newark Performing Arts Center:

Wait, something looks off here...

That artwork is clearly Anakin and Obi Wan fighting on the lava planet Mustafar, which happened in Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, not Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

C'mon New Jersey! Get it right.

Star Wars Merch Has Gone Too Far

Check this out and tell me that Star Wars merchandise has hit peak absurdity:

This is a photo of a miniature Death Star shelf designed to hold miniature Funko Pop Star Wars boxed figures. So to repeat, this is a replica of a Death Star shelf that holds miniature Funko Pop replicas of Star Wars characters.

They should make a miniature version of someone admiring their completed miniature shelf and turn that into a Christmas ornament to hang on a miniature Funko Pop Christmas tree.

ProofrEADJer: End of October Edition

EADJ Pun Police: Space Precinct Edition

"Gear up, space LEOs! It's time for you beat cops to do some patrol work and weed out any insidious puns that you find in this sector of Moon 562. Get to it, officers!"

"Gee, that's painful. But a misdemeanor at worst. Issue a ticket and carry on."

"'WineDown'? That is BAD. A real 4-80 groaner pun there. Take them into custody and maybe let them spend some time in the cooler to think about what they've done."

"Okay, Officer Cybo-3 tracked this one down on the restaurant platform. 'STEAK ME HOME TONIGHT' is egregious. Plus it forces me to hum Eddie Money, so that's a felony."

"Oh, another one from the SAME restaurant? Okay, bring out the paddywagon ship. We're hauling everyone in there to the clink."

"Red alert! We have a code black situation on the restaurant platform! The entire menu is full of horrible seafood puns! Put up the barricades, lock the whole block down! God help us all!"

Spotted On A Star Wars Toy

Yoda says, "Learn about electricity, you will." Although I'm pretty sure you can learn a lot more about electricity from the other guy.

Block Tech Presents: GALACTIC WARS!

Many eons ago in a very distant universe...

GALACTIC WARS: Episode IV: Another Chance

The universe is ravaged by local skirmishes. A courageous group of guerrillas rises to resist the overwhelming UNIVERSAL DYNASTY.

Attacking from a secret base hidden somewhere in the universe, flying space fighters have won their first success in a conflict with the strong Monarchical Armada. The DYNASTY is afraid that one more failure could recruit a thousand more systems into the insurrection, and Monarchical control over the universe would be forever gone.

To crush the insurrectionists once and for all, the DYNASTY is building an evil new war fortress. Strong enough to obliterate a whole planet, its realization bodes poorly for the champions of freedom...

Spotted on Some Milk in Stop 'n Shop

In Honor Of May the Fourth, Here Are The Latest Star Wars Tie-In Merchandise

It's no secret that Lucasfilm's Star Wars properties are very big business in the merchandising world, especially since Disney acquired them in 2012. Here are the latest products you can expect on store shelves from the marketing juggernaut:

Star Wars Mouse & Insect Glue Traps

There's no need to bullseye womp rats from your T-16 when you can just lay these pre-baited adhesive glue traps to catch them in your moisture farm grain silo. Also catches Earth mice!

Star Wars Diabetic Socks

A large majority of SW fans have health issues connected to obesity. Diabetes is one of them. These special socks provide support for circulatory problems related to diabetes, whether you're standing in line for the Hall H panel in San Diego or participating in the Running of the Willrow Hoods.

Star Wars X Massengill Douche

Female Star Wars fans have been ignored for too long. But that's the past, as Star Wars partners with douche giant Massengill to offer natural SW-themed freshness to vaginae across the galaxy.

Star Wars Brake Pads

George Lucas was always a fan of speed, whether it was the hot rods in American Graffiti or the pod racers in Episode 1. These Star Wars branded brake pads provide the responsible counter to runaway speeds, offering safety, control and long-lasting reliability you can expect from Star Wars merchandise.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Hulu periodically renews or cancels shows or movies based on a viewer preference algorithm. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• BASED

• Drag Queen Top Chefs

• The Masked Electrician

• Dine & Dash! The Mobile Talk Show

• Billy On The Street Struggles With Crippling Depression

• Make These Dishes Disappear

• Doll Collectors: The Most Terrifying People On Earth

• CSI Accounts Receivable

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu will be removing from their lineup this month:

• Behind The Scenes of that 1-877-Kars4Kids Commercial

• Unskilled Christian Puppeteers

• Dubious JFK Conspiracies That Needed Air Time

• The Married Bachelor

• POWERPOINT!

• Star Wars: The Book of Bubba Sparxx

UAG

Not Every Star Wars Tie-In Works.

Spotted on Facebook:

 

Because nothing says "finding peace" and "controlling your temper" like Darth fucking Vader.

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: Special Unintentional Star Trek Edition

The following are all examples of clothes that unintentionally looked like they were from Star Trek:

"Wrath of Khan" look from the movie "Suspiria":

"The Next Generation" look from the last administration (yuck):

And from across the pond:

The Original Series look from a nearby track (complete with tricorders):

Live long and prosper, accidental Trekkies!

10 Comments About the Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge Smuggler's Run Pass for Disneyland

1) Are you sure you want a pre-tween girl captaining this thing?

2) Especially when jumping to lightspeed, should be at the controls like that?

3) I mean, I know the navicomputer (which the older brother probably operated) calculated the safest route for a jump to lightspeed, but still, putting an 8 year old there is pretty unsafe, right?

4) Where are they going in such a hurry? And why are they so thrilled about it?

5) What kind of parents are these that drag their children into a life of smuggling?

6) Will the Dad refuse to ask for directions if they get lost?

7) Who farted?

8) Or is that the smell of Wookiee?

9) Do they realize the Hosnian system has been destroyed by the First Order's Starkiller base station? RIP

10) Will Disney send this blog a cease and desist order?

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is adding to their lineup this month:

• Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Illegal Video Camera Edition)

• KNOW THE DIFFERENCE: Christina Hendricks vs. Anna Kendrick

• Masterclass: Squidward Teaches the Clarinet

• The Moon Landing: Of Course It Happened. What're You, Stupid?

• Behind the Scenes of Cheaters: How We Made It Look Real

• Full Penetration News

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Home Alone 4: Too Old For This Shit

• A Show Where Characters Occasionally Say "Alexa" To Annoy Your Echo Dot

• Pillow Talk, where we literally talk to pillows

• Craft Corner: Knitting Gifts That People Will Throw Away

• Smell That Shit, Donna

• Star Trek: The Neelix Cooking Chronicles Which Is Unnecessary Because They Already Have Food Replicators

Another List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop singer Ariana Grande's entire public identity is built on the idea that she's cute as a button, and perhaps the cutest thing ever. But we here at EADJ would like to respectively suggest a few other things that have been scientifically proven to be cuter than her. List, begin!:

• Baby Yoda from "The Mandalorian"

End of list.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Due to contract changes etc., the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Hulu this week:

• Who Moved That?

• Karaoke Background Video Montage

• Smell This Hacky Sack

• A Bunch of Fat People Pretending To Do Kung Fu

• Tits (Censored)

• Jalapeñis

• ATM Skimmer Pranks

• TSA Treasure Hunt

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Hulu this week:

• Shia LeBeouf Tries Opening A Can of Pringles

• Rod Serling Presents: Walmart Customer Service Stories

• I Tolerate Lucy

• Senior Care Facility Rap Cyphers

• Chuck Todd Finally Shaves That Awful Goatee of His

• Star Wars: Jedi Sexual Coercion Tricks

What The Star Wars Costume For Your Pet Says About You

Bantha: You are a huge nerd.

Princess Leia: You are a huge nerd.

Chewbacca: You are a huge nerd.

R2D2: You are a huge nerd.

Yoda: You are a huge nerd.

Darth Vader: You are a huge nerd.

AT-AT: You are a huge nerd.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Some Air Travel Pillows Ranked In Ascending Order Of How Much They Make You Look Like An Asshole

The "Stack of Books"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low grade of 3. Looks comfy and natural, I guess.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None

The "Sideways Headrest"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low 4. Seems to work, but kind of looks like you're listening to a car's rearview mirror.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but sort of looks like a communicator.

The "Blue Strangler"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't help if you look like Casey Anthony.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Whatever this is.

The "Gray Strangler"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't look stupid, but it doesn't look stylish either. Flight attendants would be ambivalent.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Phlox.

The "Blind Unibomber"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. You look like a sucker who just paid $50 for a basic headrest with a hood.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The black metal Klingons from TNG

The "Collision Crash"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. It might work okay, but it looks like someone needs to call a paramedic.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Dead Spock

The "Screaming Into An Elf's Tree"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7. Those poor elves aren't going to make cookies any faster with you shouting at them like that.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Glove Plant from TOS

The "Teddy Bear Playing Guess Who"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7.5. Looks complicated and torturous.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but looks kinda like Geordi La Forge.

The "Elephant's Dong"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8. Looks sort of comfy but at the price of looking stupid.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but they look like those stupid seatbelts from the recent movies.

The "Shame Lap"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.1. Look at you, burying your face in that dumb thing. Sleep > shame, I guess.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The flying pancakes from "Operation Annihilate!"

The "Suicide Sling"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. Those bratty kids in 17E are making fun of you as you sleep. And so are rows 16, 15, and 14.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Mizarians

The "Hostage"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. You look like you've already let the terrorists win, you instant victim.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Solanogen-Based Life Forms

The "Wearable Beehive"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 9.5. You do NOT look cool or comfortable. You look like Winnie the Pooh on a bender.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Ferengi

The "Earthworm Jim"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 10. Those holes at the side are for your arms, I think. What it looks like is an oversized planarian worm is sitting in 13A.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Tyvanna